Ain't It Funny

I recently rediscovered the song by Jennifer Lopez, called Ain't It Funny. I realize that it was a very hit song, and it's a bit old (2001), but the lyrics make me think about my situation with Roman.

On Saturday March 26, 2006, Roman invited me to go for coffee with friends of his. I did get the e-mail, but he invited me via e-mail himself. On the e-mail, he took the time to look up Chinese chracters that asked "How are you" in Chinese. I thought this was sweet, since he took the time to do so, and unfortunately, I was unable to see them on the computer. We basically spent the evening together... We stayed at the coffee store together, talked a lot, met up with a friend from Jeunesse lambda. Then, we had some food, and went to Sky and danced. During the evening, the friend from Jeunesse lambda, Joée, was trying to play Cupid, and at one point in the evening, gave me an ultimatum: I was to kiss Roman in five minutes, or else he would do it. Since he never specified what type of kiss, I gave Roman a peck on the neck, so that he wouldn't be attacked by Joée on the lips. Joée also tried to get Roman to kiss me, stating "What are you waiting for? Go kiss him!" (This was after we swapped notes)

I had a great time, and I hope Roman did too, but I'm not too sure. He repeated the fact that he enjoys my friendship, but he didn't mention the part about how if the friendship becomes a relationship, then that's great. His friendship is all that I can really ask for right now, even though I feel that we have great chemistry (at least from my end), and we really enjoy each other's company. We talk about a wide variety of topics, and I'm thinking that everyone around us, when we go to restaurants, consider us a couple or as boyfriends, even though we are not. Although, I believe (and it could be quite possible I'm wrong) that we're going to be heading towards boyfriends. But only time will tell...

And now, comments from Ain't It Funny, and how it relates to my status with Roman. My comments will be denoted with two slashes (//) as well as italics.

Estoy loca
Enamorada, de ti...

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me // I think that Roman and I would make a great couple. However, we met at speed dating, and we weren't a dating match.
It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be // He's not exactly how I envisioned him as, but in terms of chemistry, personality and conversational topics, he is what I had pictured him to be.
But there are facts in our lives
We can never change // He has recently come out to his family, and perhaps he is not ready for a relationship.
Just tell me that you understand and feel the same // It would be great to know how if he wants a relationship or just a friendship. He has told me that he values my friendship, and he's only looking for friendships at the moment, since he's unsure himself about what he wants.
This perfect romance that I've created in my mind
I'd live a thousand lives
Each one with you right by my side // Not exactly like that, but we do spend a lot of time together. In fact, we spend more time together than my pregnant friend and me.
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance //Not a speed dating match, not a match in terms of what Roman is looking for... At least at the present moment.
And so it seems like we'll never have the chance // It appears right now that there is no chance.

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny (Oh) // I can't deny what I view as chemistry, and perhaps feelings that may be developing.
And you can't move on even though you try (Oh) // If I knew for sure that he didn't want a relationship, I would not be sure if I could find someone else. I probably could, as similar situations have happened before, and I have survived, it's just these other situations, I didn't feel as much chemistry as I did now.
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel // Perhaps I shouldn't be feeling what I feel for Roman.
Oh, I wish this could be real // Me too, I wish it could be real.
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life (Oh) // The moment was when he sent me an e-mail about being friends and thanks for choosing him as a friend.
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right (No) // In a way, I would rather spend time with Roman instead of going to school.
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart // Fate has definitely threw in a curve ball.

Sometimes I think that a true love can never be // With my experiences with gay men around my age. I don't think true love can ever be.
I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me // Again, with my experiences, I don't believe it was meant for me.
Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain // Sometimes, fate throws you a curve ball, and you learn, but the process can be cruel.
And I don't think that I could face it all again // I do not know if I can deal with another person like Roman, with whom I feel chemistry, but again who only wants to be friends.
I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about // I have only met Roman about a month, and we started hanging out regularly about two weeks ago. But I feel like we click a lot.
A deeper love I've found in you // Not quite here yet. I don't know if it'll get here.
And I no longer doubt
You've touched my heart and it altered every plan I've made // Roman has definitely touched my heart, and it has altered my plans. I was originally wanting to pursue something with someone else, but I'm dating both of them. Well, maybe not dating Roman, but definitely hanging out with him, a lot.
And now I feel that I don't have to be afraid // I am trying not tbe afraid, but I really am. I don't know where this is going, and I'm afraid I'll be hurt again.

[Cut some repeats]

I locked away my heart // In my previous experience with love, I have always been hurt, so I am very selective of who gets to see it.
But you just set it free // Roman is tapping into my heart, and I'm giving him my emotional connections that may be romantic.
Emotions I felt
Held me back from what my life should be // I feel that I should at least take a chance with Roman, as it could change my heart.
I pushed you far away // I think that Roman is doing more pushing than I am.
And yet you stayed with me // I think that I'm staying with Roman more than him.
I guess this means
That you and me were meant to be // Perhaps this does signify that we will be a couple...