Oh really? Sang froid indeed...

So tonight, June 23, 2007, I went to have dinner with the boy who said he wanted a bit of space... For simplicity sake, let's call him Felix. Now, Felix and I originally plans, or I thought we did, to meet at Place d'Armes metro station at 7:30 p.m., and then we could go to the restaurant together. I admit, I was running a bit late, so I got there at about 7:40 - 7:45 p.m.. Since I was under the impression that we were meeting at the metro station, I waited, and I waited, and I waited... At about 8:00 p.m., I decided that maybe they misunderstood me, so I went to the restaurant, and I peaked inside. However, I did not see them. (They were at that point, already there, but they sat behind a pillar, so I cannot see them while I was peering through the window). So, I decided, "Okay, they are not there yet, so I am going to wait back at the metro station." I waited until about 8:25 p.m., and I thought "OK, I'm going to go back to the restaurant and do a walk around. If they are not there, I'm going to go to dinner myself." This time, I went into the restaurant, and I did a walk around, and saw them. Felix has already finished eating, and Felix's friend was still in the process of eating her Singapore noodles.

When I got there, I sat down and I said, "I thought we were meeting at Place d'Armes." I don't recall exactly what I said, but it was not very nice, as I was pissed for waiting 45 minutes. Felix replied, "Oh, I couldn't hear you, and it was on the road with the cars and buses, I just thought we would meet at the restaurant." I was visibly not pleased, and Felix had the nerve to state, "If you're upset, then let it go, because I was on time." At this point, I was very close to walking out on him and be like, "OK, see ya. I'm going to go and do dinner elsewhere." but I stuck it out, I calmed down, and we made an evening out of it.

However, in my opinion, Felix is digging himself deeper and deeper in the hole. He had the nerve to say to me, after telling me he wanted me space, that "I don't care about him anymore", and "I don't listen to him", and that "I'm aggressive."

I would like to take the opportunity to reply to these points in detail... I did give him some oral explanations, but they wouldn't be as detailed as they would be here, since I am writing them out.

1) I don't care about him anymore. This is not true, I do care about him as a friend. I am interested in what he does, and what is happening at camp, and how he's dealing with it. However, since he said he needed space, I feel like I am walking on egg shells, since I do not want to do anything that would make the situation worse. This is what happens when you ask for space... People give you space. You don't expect to tell someone that you need space, and expect them to act the same way they did before. If they did, they would not be respecting your opinion. I may not care at the particular moment about him as a boyfriend, because he was the one that wanted things to cool off. This, I am guilty of, for sure, but I do still care about him as a friend.

2) I don't listen to him. This is also not true. He blames me that I always speak, and I never give him a chance to speak. That is complete bull. I explained to him that maybe it's a difference of culture and vision of what is the end of a conversation. Perhaps for him, what he needs is complete silence to signify that someone has finished his/her point. For me, when you're done, I like to jump in and continue the conversation, because I don't like "chat" conversation. This is when one person makes a point, and then there's silence, and the other person starts off on another topic. This is not a real conversation, this is more like a real-time chat. Felix then stated that perhaps he does not know how to converse, but that is not true, I really just believe it's a difference in viewpoint. Also, he felt that he doesn't have enough time to develop his ideas, as I'm always constantly developing mine. This is perhaps due to my training, as I am a logical person. Who knows... But I do not like the comment of how I do not listen to him. If I didn't, I would not be able to tell him what was going on at camp, and recall the stories that he told me that I thought was droll.

3) I'm aggressive. I am not. Plain and simple. I do not go out of my way to make sure that everyone notices me, and knows that I am in charge. I do not make it my mission to make sure that all my friends know that I'm superior to them, and that I am in charge, and I'm the one who calls all the shots. I do not make all my friends feel small, to feel big. I do not believe that I am God's gift to all men and women in the world. I do not believe that just because I'm a fitness instructor, it means that I'm better than everyone else. I am not a fitness diva, nor will I ever be. What I can agree to, is perhaps I am assertive. I feel that I am outgoing, and I like to get what I aim for. However, this is not always the case, not everyone gets what they want, so in circumstances like that, I back off. I explained that perhaps since Felix used to be a very shy individual, and even though he has come a long way, he could have met me, someone who is very outgoing, which he may perceived as aggression.

I have had other people tell me that due to the speed I process ideas, other people may be indirectly intimidated by this. Perhaps this is the case that is happening here. I don't know.

You cannot ask for space, and then expect the person to act the same way that they did before. This is however, just my opinion, and you are feel to disagree. I personally find it difficult to act the same way before, because I don't want to overstep boundaries, out of respect for the other person. Perhaps other people can do it, and I think that's great! You cannot have your cake and eat it too.