Well, aren't we full of ourselves... (Part II)

On Friday, October 27, 2006, instead of going to Jeunesse Lambda for their costume party, because I didn't feel like putting on a costume to go to the party, and because I am still pissed about running for three positions and not getting any of them, I decided to not go to Lambda, and hang out with my friend Laura instead.

We ordered some pizza, and we watched the movie - The Village. We enjoyed ourselves, we had some good conversation, and then her friend came over. He ordered more food, watched the rest of the movie, and then Laura drove me to Dorval train/bus terminal so that I could catch a bus back to a metro station, and then go home.

And who do I see when I get on the bus? Mr. Flavio, of course. Now, I didn't want to be intrusive, so I did not ask him where he was. It turns out that he went to another friend's house and they watched C.R.A.Z.Y.. It also could have been that he did go to the dinner party, but just decided that he didn't want me there, which is also fine. I am sincerely hoping it's the former, since I really don't appreciate lies in a friendship. And I told him where I was. We had a civil chat on the bus. I would have preferred to not have bumped into him, but I also didn't want to make it evident that I did not want to talk to him by just completely ignoring him.

Why did I meet him on the bus? I'm just trying to bow out gracefully, but it's challenging when I see him everywhere, without setting things up myself. Oh well.

Well, aren't we full of ourselves...

Today, Mr. Flavio suspected that I wanted more than friendship with me, and he was sorry that he only wants friendship with me.

When we had this talk last Saturday, he says that he only wanted friendship, and so I am trying to bow out gracefully. He accused me today of being too invasive... Because I tried to invite him to all you can eat sushi, because he told me that he liked sushi. He also asked me if I was going to Jeunesse Lambda tonight, and I said, "Probably not, unless my friend goes.", and he automatically assumed that it was him. I had totally meant someone else. Yes, we did talk about how he could not go in costume, and say he came dressed up as either i) a heterosexual; ii) a undercover cop; iii) a student, but when I said I was going with a friend, I didn't mean him.

Silly little man, the world does not revolve around you. Let me bow out gracefully and stay friends, before I torch this bridge with gasoline and dynamite. If so, you'll have to find yourself a new gay "friend" to get your boyfriend. Watch your mouth before you accuse me of stuff again. I don't take accusations well.

Gosh, do something more productive

Today, Thusday October 26, 2006, as I was leaving the Hall building after my MATH 206 tutorial (that I gave), I saw three security guards sternly talking to some people who were handing out flyers who are against the war in Afghanistan. I didn't stay and listen to the whole conversation, but I heard a bit of how handing out these flyers can overstep some of the students' freedoms. While the security people were talking to these students, I went up and asked them for a flyer, because I support their cause.

Frankly, a flyer advertising about a rally to end the war in Afghanistan and send peace keepers instead would hardly, in my opinion infringe on my freedoms. Why don't the security guards work on changing Concordia into a less heterosexist environment? That infringes on my freedom more than the flyers would. Or go and make sure that someone doesn't tear out the the hand dryer from the 5th floor of the boy's washroom. I mean, come on, they have better things to do than to harass a bunch of people handing out flyers. Goodness sake.

Is this where my tuition goes? To useless security guards who don't give a rat's ass about my safety, but "freedoms" or perceived freedoms of some students?

Jet Li's Fearless

On Tuesday, October 24, 2006, I went to see the movie Jet Li's Fearless. This was of course a movie that was shot in China, and in Mandarin, but subtitled with English.

This movie is based on a historic character, Huo Yuanjia. He wanted to follow in his father's footsteps as a wu-shu Martial artist, but his father was unwilling to teach him. Thus, he gained his skill by reading the manual in secret. There was a match at the beginning of the movie (when Yuanjia was young) where his father lost the match, but it was only because he did not deliver a critical blow to his opponent. The opponent's family however, taunts the young Yuanjia, and he gets severely injured trying to defend the family name. It is at this moment that we see he vows to never lose again.

The rest of the movie is about Yuanjia's journey as a fighter. As he gets more victories underneath his belt, he gets more and more confident and cocky, and takes on more and more pupils, who just come for the free food and wine, but not really to learn the art of wu shu. He commits a grave act one night, when he discovers that one of his pupils were beaten by the Master Chin, and was gravely hurt. He challenges Chin to a death match on the night of his birthday, and after tearing the restaurant apart, Huo emerges victorious. However, he gets home and he discovers that his mother and daughter were slaughtered as revenge for what he did. It is also at this moment that he finds out the reason why Master Chin beat the student, it was because the student was drunk, and insulted Master Chin's wife.

Huo then wanders the country side lost, upset, disoriented, and it was when he nearly drowned that he was rescued. He was nursed back to health, and he find himself, the true meaning of wu-shu, and he understands why his father didn't deliver that fatal blow. Some of the villagers suggested that it's time to visit ancestor's graves, so Huo also sets off back to Tianjin to visit his parents' graves, as well as the grave of Master Chin, to pay his respects, and admit his error.

Without narrating the whole story, the rest of the movie is about how Huo has a new style of fighting, and is now fighting because there is too much foreign rule in China. He sought to unite the Chinese people so that they can revolt and overthrow the foreign powers and drive them from the country. So, the foreign powers staged a competition, and Huo defeats the first three of the four opponents relatively easily. He has difficulty in the last one, because of poisoned tea.

All in all, this movie was very well choreographed, it was very nice cinematographically, and the storyline was heart warming. It made me proud to watch it as a Chinese person.

On the way back, the bus driver was kind of cute, so I started up a conversation with him. I found out that he's only 25! He's my age, and he's already got a full-time job and driving a bus! Perhaps I can ride his bus more often around this time. Did I mention he was cute? ;)

The Departed

On Saturday, October 21, 2006, I went to see the movie The Departed with Roman. We were originally supposed to see Jet Li's Fearless, but by the time he arrived at my place, he was late about 10 minutes, which means that we would have missed the movie. On top of that, we had to take public transit to the cinema, which would guarantee the fact that we would for sure miss the movie.

So, as second choice, we went to see The Departed, starring many big Hollywood Stars. Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin and Martin Sheen. This movie was based upon Internal Affairs, which was a story that was featured in Chinese media in Hong Kong.

The story is about two undercover agents. Damon, who is undercover as a cop for Nicholson, a big kingpin in the mafia. Damon tips Nicholson off to what the police are up to. DiCaprio, who works as a mole for Sheen and Walberg, helped deliver crucial information to the police. Eventually, after much betrayal, lies, deceit and lots of violence, all the moles are taken care of. (You may take that to mean however you want it to mean).

There was lots of heterosexual, homophobic comments in this film, but that is to be expected in a police flick. Having seen the original Asian movie/series that this was based on, all I have to say is, it almost copied word for word the story. There were some adjustments, that was it. Nothing too great. I don't understand why others are raving about it. If you've seen the original story, this is nothing supremely new.

It's Just My Luck (he's got someone else in mind)

In the classic words of the Canadian group VIP, who sang a song called It's Just My Luck:

"It's just my luck, he's got someone else in mind... It's just my luck it happens all the time." (the original pronoun was she, but if you substitute she for he, you get my experiences, all the time)

These words ring true so often for me. I just got confirmation (but I kind of saw this coming), that Flavio is only interested in being friends. Very well, this means we hang out less often, that's all.

* Sigh *

Story of my life. I fall for the wrong guys, or guys who don't find me attractive, or guys who aren't into Asians, or guys who don't know what they want...

So, with the experiences yesterday and today... I'm just expecting that some blind driver is going to come up and hit me at the corner of Decarie and Côte-St. Luc.

Thanks Gloria, you're my diva.

Jeunesse Lambda and sandbox politics

Today, Friday, October 21, 2006, was the AGM of Jeunesse Lambda (Lambda Youth), where they present the annual report, and new members of the Executive are elected. I went to the meeting in good spirits, with the intention of running for, and hopefully getting the position of Responsable des animations.

At first, I was nominated as treasurer. I wasn't really interested in this position, since I was thinking that it was a boring job. But I thought, since I wasn't guaranteed the other position, I should try and run for this, and maybe if no one ran against me, then I would have gotten it. There were three candidates that ran for this position, including me, and the other two were Sébastien and Francis M.. We all gave our speeches, and we had the vote... Then, the result was that Francis M. won the position. Francis M., being young, and good looking, got the position. This was tough, but I wasn't discouraged, because I really wanted to be responsable des animations, so I was remaining positive. I knew what speech I wanted to give, to sell myself to the voters about this position. And I thought I gave a damn good speech. There were three people who ran for this position (including me). Sébastien, André Ho, and me. At first, I thought. Oh crap, if André Ho is running, then there was no way in hell I would win, because André is very well known, and very popular, so I expected that he would win by a landslide. However, he was unavailable this evening, as he had to work. So, he only had a letter. The elections took place, and according to the person who was chairing the meeting, the winner won by one vote. And it was, Sébastien. I was very surprised at this. I would like to think that I am the person who came second, who lost by one vote, but I believe I came in third. Surprise, again, the public has voted for someone who was young, white and looked good.

I was then nominated for the position of administrateur libre. This position, again, I was not ready for, but I gave a speech anyway. I told the voting public that they have already seen me here twice, and they know my ideas. I said that perhaps my film night idea could work with the responsable des animations, and I would work with him if I were elected as administrateur libre. There were five people who ran for this position (including me). Maryse, Michel, Michaël, Flavio and me. And they had the vote, and the two winners were Maryse and Michel. Maryse, she was already administratrice libre, so it was not suprising that she got re-elected. And then Michel got elected. Again, Michel is white, and a good looking guy. Hmm... I think I see a pattern here... You have to be good looking to get elected. The only exception was for the position of responsable de communication, where Michel and Sergio both got nominated, and Sergio kicked ass with his speech, and thus, won by a landslide.

Why do I get this feeling I've seen this before? Oh yes, when I ran for VP External with CESA in my third year of university! I was the only one that ran with a serious campaign, who did the work to find all classes that had people who could vote for me, and ran a campaign. I came in third. The candidate who ran with a campaign of jokes received more votes than me. So, this was sandbox politics, as I was told. And now, I believe that Jeunesse Lambda is also sandbox politics.

And I know that I should not take this personally, as was suggested by the host of the meeting. He said that just because you're not elected, it doesn't mean that people don't like you, so don't take it personal. Well, I disagree, if you're not elected, there were enough people (a majority, even), who believe that either you cannot do the job that is required, or who don't plain like you enough to vote for you. With a circumstance like that, how can you not take it personal? I ran three times, and I lost three times. I had to stand in front of the crowd three times, to try and sell myself. And the killer is, the outgoing VP and the incoming President said that just because you're not elected, don't despair because this organization needs you. Sort of a "let's make you feel better speech." And they both gave me a hug tonight, since they understand the stress and the disappointment of running three times, and not being elected three times, within a time span of about 30 - 40 minutes. This is not like a Federal, Provincial or Municipal meeting where you run for the same position over a period of 12 years, and are still not elected. And perhaps I am glad that I didn't get the position of administrateur libre, because if I did, it would have been pity votes. And I am glad that I didn't get pity votes. Sure, my pride is hurt, but I will survive, and move on from this experience. I was thinking of going to the Hallowe'en party next week, but I am thinking I'll need a break from this superficial, sandbox politics group, so I'd rather just stay in or go to some other party. At least I wouldn't have to dress up. It's not like i) I have a costume that's kick ass enough to win a prize, and frankly, I don't really want to win one, and I assume that I wouldn't get enough support anyway to win; ii) Even if I did have a kick-ass costume, I wouldn't get enough support to win; iii) I have lost faith in this group. Just like how I have lost faith in CESA (Concurrent Education Students' Assocation after coming third for the position of VP - External, especially when someone who ran on a campaign of jokes won more votes than me) and iv) I need a break for at least a week from this group. Maybe that could change, as I feel better during the week, but I don't know.

And in regards to getting involved with the group. Frankly, I do not believe I want to. It's not a matter of power, that I wanted an adminstrator position. It's the fact that I ran three times, and lost three times. So, if an organization does not want me to help, I will simply invest my ideas and energy into another organization who would want me, my ideas, who would want to profit from them.

And after, I decided that going to bubble tea with Flavio would make me feel better. Apparently that was not the case. He likes Gabriel. He likes some other person, but not me. So, we spent time talking about how we've both had bad experiences with me, but at least he's got hopes on the horizon. It would have been less painful to watch paint dry. Well, maybe less sad... Right now, I'm listening to my diva, Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive, but I just want to crawl into bed and cry. My pride is hurt, I'm sad about not being elected, for three times in a row, and I feel like I'll never find my man.

Why are many gay men such jerks?

Tonight, I was chatting on gay.com, and I saw someone whose profile looked interesting. However, his policy was that he didn't chat with people who didn't put a picture up on his profile. I offered to send him one, but he insisted that I put one up on gay.com, because if people in third world countries can do it, then I can too. And then I offered him a website where I have posted my picture up, and he explicitly stated, "I only view pictures on gay.com." What type of a self-righteous, pompous, vain asshole is this person? Does he think he's God's gift to any gay man on this Earth? Frankly, with an attitude like that, you can kiss my ass. The world does not revolve around you. I do not have to post a picture so you can chat with me, I can post my picture wherever the hell I want. And if you refuse to view the other options, then up yours. I'm glad that I didn't chat with this person, because he seemed the superficial type that would judge everything by a picture anyway.

In the words of TLC: "Scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly, and also known as a busta', always talkin' 'bout what he wants, and just sits on his broke-ass, so... No, I don't want your number, no I don't wanna give you mine ..."

All the King's Men

On Tuesday, October 17, 2006, I went to see the movie All the King's Men. It featured many well known actors and actresses, such as: Sean Penn, Anthony Hopkins, Jude Law, Mark Ruffalo and Kate Winslet. This was not the best film ever made, but it was also not the worst film ever made. I was so involved with the acting and the three storylines that I did not see the ending coming.

Sean Penn is a small town "hick" who became an elected official. He then went on to become the Governor of the State of Louisiana. It shows the corruption of politics, and how everyone has a dirty secret that is covered up, since there are times when people have done whatever it is that they had to do to get into positions of power.

Penn's character is for the people. This however, does not gel well with the oil tychoons and the Conservatives, and therefore, these individuals work together to try and impeach him.

Of course, like every other politician, Penn's character also has some bad habits. Beneath his storyline of doing things for the people, there were storylines of Jude Law's character, and his infatuation/being in love with (doesn't really get clarified in the film, or if I did, I missed it - though Winslet's character mouths "I love you" to Jude Law's character) Winslet's character.

This movie contained superb acting from many talented actors and actresses. Kate Winslet, again pulls of an excellent performance. She shouldn't need to do a piece about the Holocaust to get an Oscar. (reference to Extras). Jude Law's acting was also excellent. Sean Penn was good, Anthony Hopkins, I was a bit disappointed in, but perhaps because I've only really seen him the Silence of the Lamb series. His character of a caring father figure, however, I did buy. I never had much appreciation for Mark Ruffalo's acting, but he also came through in this film. Perhaps it won't get an Oscar nod (there may be some Oscar nods, but Ruffalo probably won't get one), but it was one of the better roles that he has had, one with more substance or backbone.

I won't give away the ending here, but needless to say, I was so enthralled with the acting, the thickening of plots, and the parallel storylines that I didn't see the ending coming, until maybe about the last five to ten minutes.

After the movie, I went and had coffee with Flavio. Actually, he was there with me during the movie. I enjoyed myself, but we got to the Starbucks at 10:30 p.m., when it closed at 11:00 p.m., and I felt a bit rushed out of the cafe.

Why am I always a crutch?

So, as it looks right now, Flavio only wants to be friends with me. Why do I always fall for the guys who only think that I'm fun to be around, but who think that I'm not sexually attractive? Why am I always the crutch? The guy who can be of help to someone? I continually change my definition of beauty, but I always get the crappy end of the stick. * Sigh *

Like Willa says, "F*ck the men, let's drink to us." However, I can't drink alcohol because of my weak liver. So I'll pop open an iced tea or something.

I have this love-hate relationship with men. I love them, but I hate them. I hate them, but I love them.

Loup Garou and VIA, not related, but maybe?

On Friday, October 13, 2006, I went to Jeunesse lambda, and I animated for the first time a game of Loup-Garou (Werewolf). The people liked it, and I discovered that I liked it myself. It's fun to play, but it's also fun to be the host of the game. I made one small mistake, and that's when there's one werewolf left, you have to keep using the plural, so the villagers don't know how many are left.

I also read on my friend's blog about how sneaky Bell is in trying to rip off their customers, and how one of her e-mails have mysteriously disappeared. Now, I don't know if Bell went in and deleted her e-mail on purpose, or if it was a server error, but her story with Bell was not pretty. And I also had a bad experience with VIA this past weekend.

Long story short, they made me pay for tickets that I have already reserved becuase I forgot my SixPak. This started off my journey on the wrong foot, so when I got back to Montreal on Monday night, I sent an e-mail to Customer Service outlining everything that I was dissatisfied about both train rides. Of course, I haven't heard anything back yet. If I don't hear next Monday, I'm sending another e-mail back.

Here's hoping my e-mails don't mysteriously disappear.

Anniversary of Matthew Shephard's murder

I received an e-mail today that reminded me of the fact that October 12 is the anniversary of Matthew Shephard's death. He was the gay student who was found beaten near consciousness in Wyoming and left to die.

It is amazing that we're in the year 2006, and social justice issues such as equal rights for gays and lesbians are still being fought for. What's even more scary is that there are religious Bible thumpers like Phelps who "do everything in God's will" to keep marginalized people out of power or from achieving equal status. We still have lots of work to do.

It's always easier to critique, isn't it, especially when you're on the other side of the fence...

As usual, I'm having issues with men. I am playing on loop Willa Ford's - A Toast to Men, since I'm feeling at this moment: "Fuck the men, let's drink to us." But hey, I'm sure this will pass.

I was discussing with my friend about the profile that I recently put up on a site. Granted, the picture is not the best, and I'm working on getting a new one. I realize that my friend was trying to help, but isn't it always to critique someone else's profile when you're already attached and married? He's attached and married to someone whom he loves dearly, and that's wonderful, but when you're attached, you can make all the critiques you want, because you're no longer single. You can say, that title's too cliche, or your blurb is still "too much like a shopping list for a man", etc. etc. I believe that sometimes attached people forget that sometimes, it's difficult to be single.

I realize my profile needs to be tweaked, and I really want to get some good pics up there, but that'll probably take some time. I wish I had a digital camera. I have also been told that I look better in person, by many people, so a picture is really not my forte. Anyway, I'll still be looking into getting a better picture, and perhaps more pictures that fit the profile a bit more.

And for some odd reason, the latest version of Netscape automatically closes itself when I try to load the blogger website.

A break in routine

Usually, I go and see a movie on Tuesday nights, as it is cheap night at AMC, and then I write a mini review about it. This Tuesday however, there was a break in my routine.

I was going to watch a movie, but Flavio invited me to go and watch someone in concert for free. The guy whom I watched for an hour and half is called Sébastien Lacombe. He's a Quebecois singer, whom I didn't know about until today. His CD is okay. I bought it, as I ended up liking his songs more, and he also signed the booklet, which is also a plus.

I guess I'll watch a movie later on in the week, or sometime next week.

What a wonderful day!

On Tuesday, October 3, 2006, I had a great day. Aside from calling my new boss at YMCA, and feeling like I was under interrogation for a bit, it was a good day.

I went to see the movie Half Nelson, starring Ryan Gosling, the kid from Cornwall, Ontario. He's starting to pick up roles with more and more substance in it, which I think is great.

The movie is about Gosling's character, who is a history teacher. He also has a habit of cocaine. He was found once in the girl's bathroom/changeroom by a student, high on the stuff. This however, instead of causing a negative relationship to form between the student and the teacher, it formed a positive relationship.

The movie was good, as it highlights Gosling's potential as an actor. It also has some good teacher moments, which I appreciated. There were some groaner jokes though, for example: "What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Not ya' cheese - nacho cheese", and "Knock knock? Who's there? A cow that interrupts. A cow that (Moo!)"

After the movie, I was walking towards the bus stop where a bus would take me home. I stopped off along the way to buy some Orangina, this carbonated orange drink that contains 12% juice, 2% pulp, and carbonated water with some sugar. I bought some cheap anti-perspirant: Mitchum Sport for $2.99 each. I got 300 Optimum points for each item though. I also got home, and there was a message on my machine telling me that I won the draw for some dirty soap. (Soap that's shaped like a penis) lol

I can't complain, the day treated me well.

Ooh look! Audrey! :)

So, this is me with my friend Flavio and we are at the autograph/launch of Audrey de Montigny's second CD. We were able to get a picture. And here it is: