Here we go again...

Looks like my luck with gay men is still rotten.

About six months ago, I met this individual, whom we shall call Orion (name changed to protect privacy). Orion has a boyfriend in Thailand, but I thought that since the Thai boyfriend isn't moving here, and Orion isn't going to Thailand, that relationship isn't going to really materialize.

Now, I understand that we originally started as friends with privileges. I knew that. I knew that I wasn't the only one that he was seeing. Around the same time, he also met this other individual, whom we shall call Brian. He met Brian and me off the same website that we put a profile up on.

I originally wanted to have the relationship/going steady talk with Orion, because over the past four or five months, I've fallen for him, I guess. I find that we have great conversation. We have more things in common than just sex. I originally wanted to have this talk with him at the end of September/beginning of October, because that would be about six months. However, after what happened tonight, I suppose it's a good time.

Tonight was the beginning of the gay pride celebration in Montreal. This is our second pride actually, because we had Divers/Cité two weekends ago, and this weekend with have GLBTA celebrations. The reason why this happened was because the former decided to drop the parade from their celebrations, so the gay businesses launched a campaign with planning to have the parade and other celebrations. I think this was the right thing to do, because I think you cannot have pride without a parade.

Anyway, to start things off this weekend, there was a concert. I went to that with my friends. After the concert, we went to eat at a restaurant in the village. I have not had dinner, so I was hungry, and my other friends had a light snack. After dinner, we were walking along the village towards the metro station, and whom do I see? I see Orion walking with Brian in the village, and Orion had his arm draped over the left shoulder of Brian. I saw those two from a mile away, but I don't know if Orion saw me. Brian probably doesn't know who I am. Anyway, I said hi to Orion, and I made sure that we made eye contact so he knows that I caught him in the act.

I suppose now's the time to lay the cards down on the table. I was originally going to have the status re-evaluation talk with Orion at about six months. However, now's not a bad time. I'm going to lay down my cards on the table. Here's my position: "We did start out as friends with privileges, or dating - but not exclusively". Over the past five months, I've gotten to know Orion and I really like him. I would like to pursue dating exclusively. If Orion did not consider what we had for the past five months as dating (because it takes two people to consider it dating), then I would request that we date exclusively.

Orion is going away for two weeks in Brazil to attend a friend's wedding. So, I think it's fair to give him two weeks to think about the situation, and he can get back to me. Any response other than a "I'm ready to date exclusively" will mean that he's not ready for commitment, and will result in me uplifting my privileges. I'll still be his friend, but there will no longer be privileges. I kind of have a gut feeling that this is what's going to happen, but maybe Orion will surprise me. The words of "Oh, I miss you." somehow sound so empty.

I hope he likes dating Brian... Brian is a medical student who'll be spending as of September 120 hours at a hospital and school. Brian didn't go appliance shopping with him, I did. Brian didn't go to Home Depot with him, I did. In my opinion, I am clearly the better catch. Brian is naturally skinny. I may not look like a skeleton, but I'm a fitness instructor. I am fit. I can dance around the step for 60 minutes and not be out of breath. I just don't look the part, I am the part.

Thank goodness for Carrie Underwood. I have the song Lessons Learned (from her first CD) on loop, and I think it'll be on loop for a while. Here are the lyrics:

There's some things that I regret,

Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

Repeat chorus

And all the things that break you,
All the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because they are gone,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.