A pot-pourri of feelings

After having seen Brokeback Mountain multiple times, I realized last night two very important scenes from the movie a lot more better.

The scene when Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) is ill in an alley way, and the scene where Bassie Cara (Linda Cardellini) is crying, after meeting Ennis in a diner again.

When I walked into the door last night, after having the conversation with Roman, I shut the door, and I collapsed in sadness. I thought I could hold it, but the tears just flowed. So, that was like me physically losing balance due to sadness, and also realizing that I spent emotion on someone who did not recipricate (and perhaps never will be able to recipricate) my emotions.

Today, Roman sent me an e-mail to tell me that he was my friend. We chatted on MSN later, and he started the conversation with, "Do you want to talk to me?" How tempted was I to say no, but I decided that some civil conversation would open up the air. I did realize that I did not speak as much as I normally did, and I apologized for not feeling very chatty. But he was understanding and he told me that he was surprised that I talked to him. So, I think I'm going to call it an early night, get some sleep and listen to some Willa Ford.

Have I lost faith in gay men around my age? No, but do I know where to find one who will recipricate my love? No, not that either. I don't believe that internet is the place for it, nor night clubs, and certainly not in the village or at speed dating. So, it's just me doubting if I ever will meet the special someone who is not afraid to be in a relationship with me.

Off to Willa Ford time.

When Power music isn't helping...

You know something is wrong when power music isn't helping me when I'm listening to it... My traditional Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive, Whitney Houston - It's Not Right but It's Okay (Thunderpuss Remix), Cher - Strong Enough, Melanie C - Better Alone, Cake - I Will Survive, Anastacia - Left Outside Alone, Anastacia - Paid My Dues, Anastacia - One Day In Your Life, Willa Ford - Did Ya' Understand That?, Willa Ford - Did Ya' Understand That? (video version) (amongst many of my songs, some of which are in Toronto)

Literally, last night, I walked into the door, and I collapsed with grief. And when I called my good friend Laura, I must have woke her up, but I left a message. She called me back, and literally, I was bawling my eyes out over the phone. I literally crawled into a ball and tried to fall asleep, listening to Willa Ford - Did Ya' Understand That?.

I also don't know where to start now... Internet is not the place to meet quality men, most men are straight, neither is the village for quality men. And I sure as hell don't think speed dating is the place to meet men either, since it's just a polite person's meat market. I could try and see where things go with the other person, but circumstances are quite different between us, and he also works nights, which makes dating a bit difficult.

It's amazing what can happen in a few days...

So, it's official, Roman has told me that he only see me as friends and not as boyfriends. He doesn't want me to hurt, because he thinks we can be good friends, but right now, I need some time. He wanted to see how I was feeling, but I really didn't want to let him know, because he cannot really help.

I was able to be strong until I walked into the door. Not only did I get a notice that the tenant's rent for March is still owing, I had to deal with my emotions. This is the first time I have cried because my heart has been broken... Right now, it feels like there are a thousand shards of glass in my heart. How could I have been so stupid? I should have just realize that it was going to be a friendship and never opened up.

That was the longest metro ride ever... Usually, it's six stops, and we have a great time on the six stops. But tonight, I was being strong, and didn't want to cry in front of him. And I didn't. I'm proud of that.

At least there is some closure. Do I have any regrets? No. It's just upsetting that Roman ended up being one of the men who didn't take a chance on me, and not someone who wanted to take it to the next level with me. But you can't force emotions.

All the cards are on the table?

Last night, on March 27, 2006, I invited Roman to go have a drink with Mallory and Chris. At first, we went to O'Regans, but there was a live band there, so we ended up going to Peel pub for cheap pitchers. So, I would say about an hour and a half to two hours at the bar, Roman told me, "We need to talk." I was a bit intrigued about what he had to say, I was thinking that he wanted to make some conversation, since Chris and Mallory were talking. But, what Roman meant was that we needed to talk about where this is headed. He laid all his cards on the table. He told me that he likes me, as well as someone else, and that I'm "number two". He says that he doesn't mean that I'm "number two" in a bad way, and that he has hurt a lot of people over the past four weeks. He said that he didn't want to hurt me. He told me that he likes my healthy lifestyle, the fact that I work out and train, my personality, and he believes that honesty is really the best policy. He would rather someone be honest than be polite. He also told me that he was very surprised no one wanted to date me from speed dating. He told me that out of 29 people, no one wanted to date me. He also told me that I am good looking, but looks are not my strongest suit, my personality was. I told him that I have never lied to him, and that I was dating someone as well. At that moment, he looked a bit hurt, but then I told him that I felt more of a connection with him, and he brightened up again, since he knows that I feel more chemistry with him. He asked me if there was some other people I liked from speed dating, and I told him that I liked one other person, but since he didn't want anything to do with me, I sort of gave up on the idea.

Where we stand right now, I guess, is this: He asked me to be patient with him, which of course I will be, and he promised me that he'll let me know his "decision".

Although, last night, we left the bar at about 3:00 a.m., so he asked to stay at my place. So, I let him stay, and though we slept beside each other, nothing happened. (And I didn't expect anything to happen, I offered him a place to sleep, and that's all I did. I don't know if he was expecting something more. But again, I promised I wouldn't take advantage of him)

Went to see Brokeback Mountain, and won a free donut from Tim Horton's Roll Up the Rim to win.

Inside Man

Today, Sunday, March 26, 2006, I went to see Inside Man with Roman. Now, I picked up an advance pass (press screening) for this film on Wednesday night, the 22nd of March, and I could have gone, but I went to class instead, and got bored to tears, and not to mention, I missed the course evaluations... Anyway, it was a very good movie, and there was a lot of good acting by the three main lead characters: Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster and Clive Owen. Nothing was as it seems in the movie, and there isn't really a good guy or a bad guy. Because, at the beginning, whatever it seems like, it's not the truth. My favourite line in the movie was when a character says to Jodie Foster's character: "You're a magnificent cunt.", and her response was a smirk, and an answer of "Thank you."

Roman showed up today in a Denim jacket, and a hoodie. He looked nice and casual. We hopped on the metro from the theatre, since I wanted to make sure he got to the terminal station in time for the last bus. He gave me a hug on the subway, that was nice. He also invited me to go see a documentary with Cinema politica, but unfortunately, I have orchestra tomorrow. Oh well. It seems to me whenever we part ways, I long to see him sooner, and for longer. But I feel that my emotions are only one sided, even though he has told me that he really values my friendship. I understand that he's new to the whole gay scene, and he doesn't know what he wants, but I'm just afraid that my emotion and feelings are being poured into an abyss. I have had too many bad experiences in my past. Some of them started out like this, but I have never felt this strong, and I haven't seen someone this often!

Roman asked me if I thought there would be an Inside Man II. I wonder about that, though most of the loose ends have been tied up, I think there is definitely room for a sequel.

I also got the fortune (after eating dinner): "This current year will bring you much happiness." (in bed). Hehehehe. Maybe the fortune will come true! :)

Ain't It Funny

I recently rediscovered the song by Jennifer Lopez, called Ain't It Funny. I realize that it was a very hit song, and it's a bit old (2001), but the lyrics make me think about my situation with Roman.

On Saturday March 26, 2006, Roman invited me to go for coffee with friends of his. I did get the e-mail, but he invited me via e-mail himself. On the e-mail, he took the time to look up Chinese chracters that asked "How are you" in Chinese. I thought this was sweet, since he took the time to do so, and unfortunately, I was unable to see them on the computer. We basically spent the evening together... We stayed at the coffee store together, talked a lot, met up with a friend from Jeunesse lambda. Then, we had some food, and went to Sky and danced. During the evening, the friend from Jeunesse lambda, Joée, was trying to play Cupid, and at one point in the evening, gave me an ultimatum: I was to kiss Roman in five minutes, or else he would do it. Since he never specified what type of kiss, I gave Roman a peck on the neck, so that he wouldn't be attacked by Joée on the lips. Joée also tried to get Roman to kiss me, stating "What are you waiting for? Go kiss him!" (This was after we swapped notes)

I had a great time, and I hope Roman did too, but I'm not too sure. He repeated the fact that he enjoys my friendship, but he didn't mention the part about how if the friendship becomes a relationship, then that's great. His friendship is all that I can really ask for right now, even though I feel that we have great chemistry (at least from my end), and we really enjoy each other's company. We talk about a wide variety of topics, and I'm thinking that everyone around us, when we go to restaurants, consider us a couple or as boyfriends, even though we are not. Although, I believe (and it could be quite possible I'm wrong) that we're going to be heading towards boyfriends. But only time will tell...

And now, comments from Ain't It Funny, and how it relates to my status with Roman. My comments will be denoted with two slashes (//) as well as italics.

Estoy loca
Enamorada, de ti...

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me // I think that Roman and I would make a great couple. However, we met at speed dating, and we weren't a dating match.
It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be // He's not exactly how I envisioned him as, but in terms of chemistry, personality and conversational topics, he is what I had pictured him to be.
But there are facts in our lives
We can never change // He has recently come out to his family, and perhaps he is not ready for a relationship.
Just tell me that you understand and feel the same // It would be great to know how if he wants a relationship or just a friendship. He has told me that he values my friendship, and he's only looking for friendships at the moment, since he's unsure himself about what he wants.
This perfect romance that I've created in my mind
I'd live a thousand lives
Each one with you right by my side // Not exactly like that, but we do spend a lot of time together. In fact, we spend more time together than my pregnant friend and me.
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance //Not a speed dating match, not a match in terms of what Roman is looking for... At least at the present moment.
And so it seems like we'll never have the chance // It appears right now that there is no chance.

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny (Oh) // I can't deny what I view as chemistry, and perhaps feelings that may be developing.
And you can't move on even though you try (Oh) // If I knew for sure that he didn't want a relationship, I would not be sure if I could find someone else. I probably could, as similar situations have happened before, and I have survived, it's just these other situations, I didn't feel as much chemistry as I did now.
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel // Perhaps I shouldn't be feeling what I feel for Roman.
Oh, I wish this could be real // Me too, I wish it could be real.
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life (Oh) // The moment was when he sent me an e-mail about being friends and thanks for choosing him as a friend.
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right (No) // In a way, I would rather spend time with Roman instead of going to school.
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart // Fate has definitely threw in a curve ball.

Sometimes I think that a true love can never be // With my experiences with gay men around my age. I don't think true love can ever be.
I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me // Again, with my experiences, I don't believe it was meant for me.
Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain // Sometimes, fate throws you a curve ball, and you learn, but the process can be cruel.
And I don't think that I could face it all again // I do not know if I can deal with another person like Roman, with whom I feel chemistry, but again who only wants to be friends.
I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about // I have only met Roman about a month, and we started hanging out regularly about two weeks ago. But I feel like we click a lot.
A deeper love I've found in you // Not quite here yet. I don't know if it'll get here.
And I no longer doubt
You've touched my heart and it altered every plan I've made // Roman has definitely touched my heart, and it has altered my plans. I was originally wanting to pursue something with someone else, but I'm dating both of them. Well, maybe not dating Roman, but definitely hanging out with him, a lot.
And now I feel that I don't have to be afraid // I am trying not tbe afraid, but I really am. I don't know where this is going, and I'm afraid I'll be hurt again.

[Cut some repeats]

I locked away my heart // In my previous experience with love, I have always been hurt, so I am very selective of who gets to see it.
But you just set it free // Roman is tapping into my heart, and I'm giving him my emotional connections that may be romantic.
Emotions I felt
Held me back from what my life should be // I feel that I should at least take a chance with Roman, as it could change my heart.
I pushed you far away // I think that Roman is doing more pushing than I am.
And yet you stayed with me // I think that I'm staying with Roman more than him.
I guess this means
That you and me were meant to be // Perhaps this does signify that we will be a couple...

Wow... I can't believe it...

On, Thursday, March 23, 2006. I went to drink some beer with Roman (we had three pitchers). I thought that my friends would be there, but they didn't end up showing, so I just ended up drinking with Roman. I had a great time, and I hope he did too. However, I sprained my ankle, again! And Roman got his mom to come pick me up and drop me off! That was very sweet.

During this time, I told him I wasn't too sure about where this is going, but he also told me that he knew that I liked him, but he was unsure about what he wanted, so he was going to look for friendships for now. He told me that if it turned out to be more than friendship, that's good.

So, only time will tell in regards to what will happen. The fact that he wants to hang out with me is great, I think.

I suppose I am not surprised...

So, today, Wednesday, Mar. 22, 2006, I was talking to a guy whom I met for coffee about a month ago, whom I thought was interested in dating me. And whenever I tried to get him to do something, he said that he was too busy. But I guess I know the truth today... About a week ago, he said he wasn't proud of having had sex (random sex) with someone, and today, he went on a date, and he wants to cry because the guy dissed his Greek heritage. And he told me that he needed time, and that I had to be patient with him. Oh yeah, I am going to be patient with him, so he can go and date other people. I wanted to bloody have dinner, movie and a coffee with him on Valentine's Day, and he turned me down, saying he was too busy. What's this crap about how he's too stressed and has lots of work? He went on a bloody date tonight! You could have had a golden guy, but you chose the jerk that dissed your heritage. Though no one deserves to have their heritage dissed, my sympathy for you just goes right out the window when you tell me I have to be patient with you, and how you're busy, when in the meantime you were just playing me.

On the other hand, I went and had a coffee with Roman after he saw a documentary. We had some good conversation. And I think he's into me, but I don't know. He gave me a hearty hug tonight. That's always good, and I invited him to a possible drinking thing on Thursday night. We'll see if it flies. I'm also afraid that Roman only sees me as a friend.

On comes the Willa.

Tsotsi

On Tuesday, March 21, 2006, I went to see the Academy Award winner for best foreign picture, Tsotsi. The story is about a gangster, who is about maybe 15 or 16 years old who commits a few crimes, one of which leads him to have a baby. The movie follows his story of how he is caring for the baby, and he learns about being a father. He's a horrible father, but he does try his best... He also tries to redeem himself at the end of the movie. It was a good movie, good screen play, the acting is okay, but it was similar to Crash. It was another movie about violence, racial violence, racial gang violence... But at least it was better than Kamataki...

And two other moments that made my day today:

1) I passed my Can-Fit-Pro Practical exam for my FIS (Fitness Instructor Specialist) today. I know I passed, but I don't know what mark I got (a passing mark is 80), and I know that it was a squeak pass (low to mid 80's). I will find out the comments and the marks as soon as the pro trainer sends the comments to me;

2) I won my first thing at Tim Horton's today. Tim Horton's is running the Roll Up the Rim to win contest again. I usually never win anything from them, until today... Today, I won a free coffee! I'm very happy about that.

V for Vendetta

On Sunday, March 19, 2006, it was the St. Patrick's Day parade, and Roman invited me to go watch the parade with him and some of his other friends from speed dating, who he was invited by.

I enjoyed the parade, but it got a bit cold. Roman didn't have earmuffs, so his ears got really red. There was also a part of the parade where he was poking me with a free flag that he got, and then he proceeded to poke the others. Then, I recipricated the poking with my flag... No one else did. After the parade, we went to grab some food to eat. Unfortunately, we went to Resto du village, and Roman thought it was not clean, so we went to Cafe Europeen to have food. I got my greasy spoon breakfast, but a bit more expensive than if I got at Resto du village, but it was still good. After, we went to Kilo (the cafe across the street), and Roman and another person got a piece of strawberry cheesecake. I got an ice-cream cup, it was three scoops of ice-cream. There were three flavours available: Vanilla, strawberry and Chocolate, so I had a Napolitain ice-cream cup.

When we paid our bills for the desserts, we proceeded towards the Paramount theatre downtown. One of us had to go home, so it ended up being three of us, (Roman, me and another person) and we went to see V for Vendetta. It is a good movie, there is much action, but not too much blood. The blood that is present is artistically done. Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving are in it, and I think of of them did a good job with their role. Before the film, I DDRed a bit, and Roman tried the game for three songs!

I do not know if I am reading too much into spending time with Roman. He seems to like me, and we have great conversation. I myself am not sure about the chemistry. I see Roman as someone who is nice, and he has a tough exterior, but on the inside, he's as easily hurt as anyone. But, a friend from speed dating disagrees. I can say fairly that I am glad I spent this time with him. Part of me wants to believe that he's giving me signs to let me know that he's interested in dating me, but part of me is afraid that I'm misinterpreting these signs, that I'm going too fast, and that I'm just thinking wishfully. Love is difficult, and those who have it are indeed lucky.

Bride & Prejudice

While rewatching Bride & Prejudice on DVD, I came across again the song in it called No Life Without Wife. And I realized, not only is the main character in this movie looking for certain characteristics, but me too!

Certain excerpts from the song:

I don't want a man who ties me down, does what he wants while I hang around.
I don't want a man who's crude and loud, wants a pretty wife to make him proud.
I don't want a man who can't be funny, tells tall tales about making money.

I don't want a man who'll grab the best seat, can't close his mouth when he starts to eat.
I don't want a man who likes to drink, or leaves his dirty dishes in the sink.
I don't want a man who wants his mummy, a balding pest with too much tummy.
I don't want a man who's dead in the head...

I just want a man with real soul, wants equality and not control.
I just want a man good and smart, a really sharp mind and a very big heart.
I just want a man not scared to weep, to hold me close when we're asleep.

I just want a man who loves romance, will clear the floor and ask me to dance.
I just want a man who likes to sing, makes up words when I play the strings.
I just want a man who gives some back, talks to me and not my rack
I just want a man who likes to cook, to read my dreams and share my books.
I just want a man whose spirit is free, who'll hold my hand, walk the world with me.

Now, obviously, there are a few things here that don't quite apply to me... For example, I don't have a rack. I don't mind if my man drinks a little, and of course, if my man and I get married, none of us would be the "wife". Provided of course Mr. Harper hasn't set Canadian social justice back by about 500 years. Other than that, is it too much to ask for in a gay man?

St. Patrick's Day celebrations 2006

Wow, I really enjoyed myself last night at Le Drugstore. A few friends from speed dating got together and we had some drinks. Two people, one of whom also went to speed dating, came by and told us that if we wanted to go to Sky after, they would be there, if we wanted to change. However, most of us basically stayed until the Drugstore was closed. The evening was nearly ruined, when a bouncer who thought that he was all that made me give him my water bottle while I was about to take a piss in the washroom. That was not appreciated, especially when his way of approach was stupid. He gave an analogy about how people don't bring their own meals into the restaurant, and therefore, I can't bring water into the bar, because they serve it. I was totally annoyed about this, since he was interrupting me while I tried to piss, and I literally had my organ out and was ready to go when he addressed me, and then I had to address him and put my organ away. I emptied out my water bottle, thinking the water was the problem, but apparently he also wanted the bottle. He could have told me, "As a bar, we are responsible for any containers which you may use to take some alcohol out of the bar, which is not what I'm saying you'd do, but we are liable for you taking any alcohol out of the establishment, so could we keep your water bottle for you, and you can get it a the end of the night? So that we ensure that our liabilities are covered?" The latter way of saying it would have given me, the client a better evening. However, that's why he's a bouncer right, all brawn and no brains, and having no way with words?

During the evening however, there was a woman who approached us and started talking to us, and then she got very upset and left after. I found out later that her father killed himself about a year ago, because he was gay. She came to the village to try and find out why her father was gay. She loved her father deeply, and it was quite apparent that she needed some closure. I hope she finds the answer(s) that she seeks, and one of the people there gave her an attentive ear, which I hope and believe that she appreciated, at least for a short time. This woman also asked Roman and me if we were a couple at the beginning of the night, and both of us denied it, even though at least one of us thought that if that developed with time, it would be good. (At least one would mean me, as I don't know if he feels the same way)

After we had to leave Le Drugstore (and the two people who went to Sky came back to find us), we tried to go to Resto du village for some food, but we got there and there was a 20 minute wait, so the gang basically said, screw that, and started walking away from the village. Eventually, it was just me and my friend Roman, since the rest of the gang either took a night bus north, or got a ride home. Roman basically held me up and walked me the rest of the way along St. Catherines, and we got some food after. Then I walked him to Atwater station, so that he can catch the first bus to go to his internship, and then I got home and slept. Stupid MBNA bank called me at 11:15 a.m., woke me up, and even though I would like to be sleeping right now, I can't since I can't fall back asleep.

Roman told me that he felt comfortable with me, and he knew that I would not take advantage of him. He gave me hearty hug before he got on the bus, and he told me he really enjoyed walking me home along St. Catherines. I don't know if this is the start of something that could be really meaningful... I mean, he was at the bar last night oggling the waiters, so I don't really know. I enjoyed it too, he basically held me for I'd say about four metro stations equivalently on the road... I'm also glad he didn't take advantage of me!

Anyway, I'll see if things blossom with him, and if we are doing anything tomorrow. He has expressed interest in the St. Patrick's Day parade, as well as the movie V for Vendetta.

M. Preville - Part 2

6:00 p.m. EST (approximately), on March 17, 2006. The Regional Director of COGIR, Mr. Serge Preville once again knocks on my door asking about the rent. I told him that the lady talked to me, and said the rent payment is being sent, or has been sent. She talked to the woman who works in the office downstairs. I will e-mail the tenant again and see what's up.

St. Patrick's Day and some other random thoughts

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! May you feel Irish for a day, and have all the green beer that you want.

I recently bought two CDs by Natasha St. Pier. It's her new album (Longeur d'Ondes), as well as the CD that she released in 2003, called L'instant après. It was my friend Nima who introduced me to her with a gift. He sent me her CD that she released in 2002, called de L'amour le mieux.

I also bought a Concordia University travel mug. Now, usually, this is peanuts and I wouldn't blog about something like that. However, analyzing this action on a further level, this is an action which signifies that I am crossing into Concordia University. Yes, I will still acknowledge my "Queen's roots", but really, ever since they didn't accept me for the Master's in Education, I have kind of said, "Fuck that."

My relation with Notre Dame de Paris

Well, yesterday, Thursday, March 16, 2006, I went to see Brokeback Mountain again... I thought I could wait until the DVD comes out, but I couldn't. However, I think I can now go without seeing it for two weeks. I cried at the movie... Again... The tears were flowing out of the corner of my eyes...

But all during the day yesterday, I thought about the subject of love and relationships. For example, I was listening to some songs (and watching some clips) of the musical Notre Dame de Paris (Hunchback of Notre Dame in English). I like two songs in particular, and I'm sure I like others, but I haven't discovered the whole DVD yet. The two songs I like are Belle and Ma Maison c'est ta maison. (In English, it's Beautiful and My abode is your abode).

This was when I started thinking about the three way love triangle... Phoebus, who is engaged to Fleur-de-Lys, loves Esmeralda; Frollo, who is a priest, loves Esmeralda; and Quasimodo, who has a disfigured face, loves Esmeralda. However, the first two only claim they love Esmeralda, since one of them allows her to be hung to death, and the other one uses the fact that he can save Esmeralda, but only if she loves him back. If not, he would also allow her to be hung. It is at the end of the story that we realize Quasimodo was the only one who loved her truly.

I feel like I'm Quasimodo. I don't have the disfigured face, but I feel that no one really looks at me from a relationship standpoint, even though I'm the one that truly expresses his thoughts and feelings, and my feelings are genuine.

I also read online yesterday an article about guys who wear blue, and guys who have a lot of blue in their wardrobe. Apparently, guys who wear blue are dependable, stable, and relationship type material. They can also match their own clothes... And what was I wearing to speed dating? Blue! Did anyone notice? Probably not. I also own a lot of blue in my wardrobe.

Kamataki and Pi Day

First of all, happy Pi Day (March 14) 2006. The official celebration should have occured on March 14th (3.14) at 1:59 p.m. (3.14159). I bought some strawberry rhubarb pies to bring to my class on Tuesday night, to give pie to some of the people in my class. It was a small class, so I only had to buy two pies, and I had pie left over. It was yummy pie.

And tonight, I went to see Kamataki. It is a Canadian production about a half Japanese, half French-Canadian kid who jumps off a bridge after his father dies. He miraculously survives, and his mother sends him to Japan. I really don't know what the point of the movie was... There were some nude scenes, he has sex with some American apprentice, as well as the Sensei who is a lot older than him. He helps with the kamataki, where he fills a giant kiln with Japanese raku pottery, tends the fire of the kiln, and the people take shifts to make sure that the flame in the kiln doesn't weaken. He then meets a Japanese girl and he takes up other pieces of Japanese culture.

At least I found out that Pet Shop Boys is releasing a new studio album on March 28, 2006...

Love, Romance and Relationships...

Today, Monday, March 13, 2006, we had an orchestra rehearsal that was the reading of student works... We had to read the same orchestration of a Bartok piece by five student composers, and most of these pieces were badly written, and almost all my parts had notes that were not physically able to played on my instrument, since it goes below the note which occurs when I press all my buttons.

After the rehearsal, two orchestra members and I went out to get some drinks, because we really needed them. (I also had food). It was about 12:30 - 1:00 a.m., on my way back from the washroom, that I caught the two of them in an embrace... Now, there's nothing wrong with being in an embrace... They were indeed kissing. However, there is something wrong when at least one (I believe both) are involved in a relationship with other people... Of course, they tried to get me to believe that there one of them had this terrible taste in their mouth, and the other wanted to experience it. But I was not born yesterday. Of course, they sort of hand their hands underneath the table where their hands were on each other's legs, etc.

Why do people who are in relationships never value what they have, and they go and have flings with other people? I just don't get it. Why do the people who are in relationships do whatever they want, including kissing others of the same sex on the mouth that are not their boyfriends, and yet, I have never had a long-term relationship? Is there something about being an asshole that appeals to people?

Oh, and I took a survey for the psychology department at Concordia today. That was fun, and it gave me $10.

16 Blocks, Good samaritanism and karma?

Today, Sunday, March 12, 2006, I went to see a movie with a friend from speed dating. The movie that we saw was 16 Blocks. It was also recommended to me by a friend, but I was kind of iffy about seeing it, since it didn't get very positive reviews.

The story is about Bruce Willis, a cop suffering from alcoholism, who gets a "quick" job to escort a witness sixteen blocks to the court house. The story is about all the twist and turns that happen, since the witness is a key one that will bring down about six detectives on the NYPD squad. That is why almost all the cops are out, trying to track down this dude, whose name is Kid. After a lot of action, and things that happen in the story which are kind of predictable, the film ends. This is definitely not a film that will be nominated for many (if any) Oscars. The acting is not superb, and the Kid is actually very annoying in the first half of the film. I wanted to strangle him to shut him up.

This film is definitely no Brokeback Mountain, but it is not a bad film. Of course, watching it with my friend from speed dating, who has nice greyish-blue eyes also helps. I had fun before the film, playing Dance Dance Revolution, as well as Time Crisis 3. Who knows if this friendship will flourish into a romance...

Also, I realized at the end of the film that I left my gloves at the DDR machine in the cinema. I went back to check, and they were still there. I was quite surprised, since I thought that surely someone would have walked off with my leather gloves. Perhaps the black of the gloves blended with the black of that part of machine, perhaps the gloves didn't fit anyone, or perhaps people are good enough to realize that someone might have left the gloves there, and may come back for them, but regardless of whatever circumstance, or luck, I am very happy that my gloves didn't spring legs and walk off.

I also found out tonight that Raoul has a boyfriend. Raoul has a boyfriend? How the hell does that happen? Is it true that it's about looks and not personality? Argh!

Nearly had a heart attack...

Today, March, 11, 2006, I had the director of the company that owns my building come knock my door because I haven't paid rent...

The funny thing is, I have... I am subletting an apartment. The agreement is that I pay about 90% of the rent to the tenant, and she pays the landlord. However, since they do not accept anything but official COGIR receipts, I don't have one to prove that I have paid the rent for March.

I nearly had a heart attack, since he wanted me to go down the office and pay rent again, on my credit card. I'm thinking, "No.". I also know that the landlord only has the right to start a dossier at the Regie du logement.

The guy will return Monday... I hope everything gets sorted by then.

Eight Below

On Tuesday, March 7, 2006, I went to see Eight Below, featuring Paul Walker, with a friend. Paul Walker is one of those actors who's double dipping in the cinemas right now, and his movies chose a bad month to double dip... (February is usually a bad month for movies, and Running Scared as well as Eight Below both came out in February).

I thought that this movie was well done... Though, the first part of the movie, I would say about the first half, I wanted to smack the professor in it, but he somewhat redeems himself at the end.

This is your typical Disney film, with heartwarming moments, and some tear jerking (or attempts to tear jerk... I didn't cry) moments. It's a relatively family film, with no bad words, and on screen romance kept to a minimum.

I think that Paul Walker had a great chemistry with the dogs, the dogs were cute. You don't necessarily go see the movie for Paul Walker, but you go see it for the doggies.

I think this is probably going to be the best picture of 2006. I mean, if Crash can pull a big upset at the Academy Awards for best picture of 2005, I believe that a February release by Disney about dogs and his owner will definitely win it. If a screenplay about racial stories that happen to coincide with mediocre acting can beat out a powerful film about forbidding love, Eight Below can certainly bring home the Oscar for best picture of 2006. Hell, they might as well give Scarlett Johanssen an Oscar for best supporting actress in A Good Woman, Paul Walker for best male lead in Running Scared, and Date Movie for best original screen play. The possibilities are endless!

And I thought that the people who chose the winners at the Golden Globes were idiots... Wow, was I wrong.

Crash is best academy picture? Please...

So, I was watching the Oscars last night, and I discovered many major disappointments.

First of all, Memoirs of a Geisha won three awards... Two of which are not deserved: Costumes, and Artistic direction. The only thing it had going for it was cinematography. Costumes should have been won by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I had no preference for artistic direction.

As well, Reese Witherspoon won best actress for Walk the Line... I do not agree with the academy on that one... I think Felicity Huffman should have won for Transamerica. That's not saying that Walk the Line was not a good movie, I haven't seen it, and I believe it's a good movie, but I believe it's a lot more difficult to play a pre-op and then post-op transexual than it is to play some historic woman.

Another I do not agree with was the best song... If the definition of the best song is the number of people involved, then yes, the winner deserves it, but for musicality? It should have been either the song from Transamerica or the song from Crash.

And speaking of Crash... How the hell did that win best picture? I've seen both, and yes Crash is a good movie, but nowhere near as powerful as Brokeback Mountain. Brokeback Mountain is leaps and bounds above Crash. String together a bunch of race relation stories with mediocre acting and call it best picture of the year? The most "acting" in that movie is people fighting because they have prejudices about certain races. "You pay for my lock, you cheat, you pay for my store..." or "Well, maybe if you blake faster, then you wouldn't have seen me..." Um yeah... That's great acting that deserved best picture. Please... I guess the prize of best editing did save the movie...

Loup-Garou, a card game! As well as a new song...

Today, Friday, March 3, 2006, I went to Jeunesse lambda, and learned an interesting card game. It's called Loup-Garou. (English translation, werewolf). This card game consists of a bunch of cards that are distributed to the players. Most of the people will be citizens in a village. Some of them will be werewolves, one of them is the little girl (who can peek whenever she wants to see who the special players are), one of them is the clairvoyant (who can, as long as he/she lives, ask to see a card that another player is holding), one of them is the sorceror/sorceress/witch (who has the power to kill an extra person per turn, and I believe who can also preserve the life of the person who was killed by the werewolf) and a hunter (who, once killed can resurrect himself/herself and kill one extra person in the village).

The game goes as follows, everyone closes their eyes, and then the the clairvoyant opens his/her eyes and asks to see a card. Then he/she closes his eyes. Next, the werewolf or werewolves choose someone to kill. Then, the sorceror/sorceress/witch can choose to kill an extra person, or no. This process continues until either all the werewolves are killed, or the only person (or people left) are werewolves. A variation of the game is that you throw in a pair of lovers, and they only know themselves who they are... The bad thing is, if one of the lovers die, the other one dies with him/her.

There's also a captain card. The captain is elected by the townspeople, and he has the final say who the village brings to the chopping block. The downside is... If you elect a captain who is a werewolve, then you've basically lost the game, unless someone decides to question the captain. Of course, if the captain gets killed (i.e. if he gets killed by the werewolves, or the sorceror or the hunter), then he gets to name his successor.

On another note... There has been this song that I hear everywhere, on the radio or in restaurants... It sounded like a Gwen Stefani song. However, I found out today that the song is actually by Madonna, and it's called Sorry. Wow, how wrong was I? I am usually not a fan of Madonna, but Sorry is good.

VIA and Speed dating, but not together

I usually give a mini review about the movie I watched on Tuesday, but since today, I watched Brokeback Mountain again, and I already reviewed that, there's no point in re-reviewing a movie. The nice thing about this evening was that a friend from orchestra was in the same theatre that I was, and he thought it was a good movie, though he had difficulty relating to it. His friend, who apparently cries in many movies, didn't cry in this one. And I cried in my usual spots. Of course. I had originally wanted to watch Eight Below tonight, but I wanted to see it with a friend, and he was unavailable tonight. So, I put it off until next week.

On a totally different note, I had a not so hot voyage with VIA on Sunday, Feb. 26, 2006. I got on the train at Union station in Toronto, which left at 5:00 p.m.. However, about 6:15 p.m., we reached to an area close to Brighton, where there was a freight train derailment earlier the same day. Thus, we were stuck at that part of track about until 8:15 p.m.. After the slow part of passing the rails, one of the coaches needed repairing, as the engineer was smelling smoke. To make this long journey short (I was on the train for about 8 hours), we were supposed to arrive at 9:15 p.m., and we didn't arrive until 12:50 a.m.. By VIA policy, I'm supposed to get a 50% reimbursement for future credit of that one trip, which must be used within six months. However, since it was so close to 4 hours, which is when they give a 100% reimbursement, I am going to argue with them to attempt to get the 100%. I called on Monday, Feb. 27, 2006 the Customer Service/Relations number, but all of their agents were busy, so I had to leave a message. They have not called me back yet. If I don't get a call tomorrow (Wednesday, Mar. 1, 2006), then I'll call back on Thursday.

And finally, speed dating. A friend of mine put it nicely yesterday when she said that speed dating is shopping for meat at a meat market for polite people. How true, how wisely spoken.