Flip of the coin decided too!

I had originally made plans to go see the movie Hard Candy with Roman, since he likes suspense/horror films, and I only go as far as psychological thrillers. He had told me on Friday night that he'll be downtown on Saturday, so if I wanted to do something on Saturday night, I should give him a call on his cell phone. I thought that we could see Hard Candy on Saturday night, and made him the offer. He agreed, and we made plans to meet each other at 9:00 p.m., so that we can get to the theatre, and play some games at the arcade before hand.

After this, I went out to pick up some passes for two movies that I wanted to see. I got home, and I found a message from Roman saying that some other friends are getting together at l'Utopik for coffee, and then they could be going to Sky after. Obviously, I am not pleased, since I preferred to have seen a movie tonight, and I went to l'Utopik last night. I also didn't feel like clubbing. He tried to persuade me to come to l'Utopik, since I should be going for the people, and not for the ambiance, and as well that even though there were people that were going to be at l'Utopik who didn't want to be friends with me from speed dating, that the results from speed dating aren't too accurate, since many people misjudged others at that event. (Well no duh! Polite people's meat market, you don't go there to make friends... You go there to look at the fine meat, not to meet friends) Anyway, I basically told him that I would get some food in my system, and then make a decision if I was going or not.

What I did was, I flipped a coin... If I flipped heads, then I would go to l'Utopik. If I flipped tails, then I would stay home and watch a movie on DVD (or two). I flipped tails. So, I politely called Roman up, and left a message on his cell phone, saying I would much rather prefer to stay in and watch a movie on DVD. And then I enjoyed two movies on DVD, Bride & Prejudice, and Pride & Prejudice.

So, he had to amuse himself somewhat... Last time he went to l'Utopik, he looked really bored, and I tried to talk with him, and even played chess to get him to be less bored. Well, tonight he tried to push his luck, and I said no. I'm not his boyfriend... His boyfriend should be doing the bending over backwards, I'm only his friend. And since I did not feel like going to l'Utopik, I'm glad I said, "no, if you want, go yourself".

I turned on the English subtitles for Pride & Prejudice, and I have to say, I really like the following two lines from the movie:

[Lizzie/Elizabeth]:

Believe me, men are either eaten up with arrogance or stupidity. If they are amiable they are so easily led they have no minds of their own whatsoever.

Response from Aunt:

Oh take care my love, that savours strongly of bitterness.

I totally agree with Lizzie. I have not met any gay man who isn't eaten up with arrogance or stupidity. And sometimes, perhaps even most times, eaten up with vanity. And the second part, a perfect demonstration is Roman with Olivier, and the text message of "Oh, I saw you at the picnic."

I don't necessarily agree with the response from the aunt. I do not believe I am bitter, and perhaps I am, but I will eventually find a gay man who merits my love.

I believe I had a better time at home, laughing at jokes on the movies, and appreciating an artform than I would have had at a cafe that I went to yesterday. (I would not have gone out anyway - and I also didn't feel like it)

Brokeback Mountain (en français)

Last night, on April 28, 2006, I went to Jeunesse Lambda, and it was a movie night. They showed Brokeback Mountain, but with French dialogue. It's what happens to films in English, they get dubbed over in French. Of course, I cried again, and the dubbing actually translated about 50 - 75% of the meaning, which is very good! I can't wait until I get my own copy of this movie! (Which a friend has very generously promised me)

It was kind of bizarre to watch the film but with voices that were dubbed over, especially since the voices they chose do not sound like any of the actors. Jake Gyllenhaal didn't sound like Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger didn't sound like Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams did not sound like Michelle Williams, Anne Hathaway did not sound like Anne Hathaway, Randy Quaid did not sound like Randy Quaid, and the list goes on. But other than that, it was good. I enjoyed the movie, even in French. However, when a film is originally filmed in English, it is always better in the original language. Just like French films, if it is originally filmed in French, it is always better in French with English subtitles.

After the film, Roman and I, and some friends went for coffee. We tried to sit down at Kilo, but there wasn't a table for four, and then we went to l'Utopik. After, we went to Resto du village and had some food. It was getting late, and I was getting tired, and had a slight headache, so I bid the two friends good night. And Roman left with me, because I suggested that he go, since he's got to get back to West Island... The most bizarre part of the night was when he told me that he was going to be downtown on Saturday, studying at the library, and that if I wanted to do something Saturday night, I could give him a call on his cell phone. He suggested that I could call him and find out where he is in the library and go visit... This latter suggestion is one that should be reserved for his boyfriend, Olivier, and not me... But that's only in my naive world... Oh well.

Proof and some other comments

Last night, or rather early this morning, I saw the movie Proof with Gwyneth Paltrow, Anthony Hopkins and Jake Gyllenhaal. Now, I wasn't going to purchase this movie, but a friend of mine highly suggested it, since it was a good movie, and Jake Gyllenhaal was in it. I found out that it was also about math too.

I thought this film was similar to all other films on mathematicians. They are bizarre, they go crazy or schizophrenic from all the math that they do, they tend to be anti-social, and their lives revolve around solving problems... Jake's character gave a glimpse of hope however, since even though he is doing a Ph.D in mathematics, he also jogs, coaches hockey twice a week, and plays in a rock band. I thought Jake was kind of sexy in his role as a Ph.D math student. The intellectual look suits him, and I'm not a big fan of Jake Gyllenhaal. (Like his poster on Jarhead... Shudder)

Proof is a difficult movie to watch, since there are flashbacks at the same time as when the movie is progressing. I realize that it comes from a stage production, but it is challenging to follow this particular adaptation. And Gwyneth Paltrow wasn't acting very well, at least I didn't like her too much. But oh well...

And now, some other comments. I was chatting with Roman this morning, and I had mentioned that I once had blond hair... Since he mentioned to me that a friend of his and mine had dyed his hair, and will be showing up to Lambda with his blond hair. This friend is also Chinese. So, that reminded me to send him a picture of me when I had blond hair, and after he saw the picture, he asked me if I would dye my hair blond again... And when I asked him why, he said, "Oh, just to see."

OK, I'm not a Barbie doll. If you were dating me, I may consider changing my hair colour. Since you're not dating me, you can ask Olivier to change his hair colour. He's a brownie... He can go blond... But he wouldn't look good though, I don't really know. Or is Olivier turning out to not be the dream in paradise?

American Dreamz

Today, I went to see American Dreamz. It was not because I chose to go see it, but it was because I stumbled across it.

At first, Roman wanted to meet up with some friends at l'Utopik, a cozy, hippy-esque coffee shop that reminds me of Sleepless Goat in Kingston. So, we met up at about 6:40 p.m., I was running a bit behind, so I invited him up while I got ready. We proceeded over to a gallery showing that his friend sent him an e-mail to, which he forwarded the e-mail. We stayed about 15 minutes, and then we went across the street to the Videotron, and looked at used DVDs. I didn't buy any, since I bought Proof and Rent today at Blockbuster. (Both of them pre-visioned for $24). Then, we walked towards l'Utopik. However, we made a stop at the Archambault, and I hung out at the music store (they sell music scores and instruments on the second floor). I was like a kid in a candy shop. First, I was in the percussion section, so I saw lots of drum sticks, drum kits, snare drums, maracas, triangles, and cymbals. And then, I walked into the musical instrument part, where there were karaoke CDs, woodwind instruments (recorders, flutes, trombones, etc.). After, we walked into the guitar room, and we looked at acoustic guitars, and classical guitars... I couldn't recall how to play the four chords on the guitar! Then, we proceeded to the piano room. There were lots of pianos, and it was fun to be able to play on them, with no one bothering me... And some of them sounded very nice... In fact, I find that some of the upright pianos sound better tan grand pianos...

After my musical Fauré (Ha!), Roman and I proceeded to l'Utopik, and we sat around for half an hour... It turns out that the two friends who originally were supposed to meet up for coffee also didn't show up. So, we decided to go and see a movie together. At first, Roman wanted to see the movie Sophie Scholl: The Final Days, which is about this lady who fought against Nazi Germany. However, that particular movie was being showed at 10:20 p.m., and that was going to be too late. Thus, we settled for American Dreamz. (Yes, I will now get to the movie review, before I talk/rant more about Roman.

My first perception of this movie was that this was going to be a politically incorrect, slapstick humour, brainless funny movie. However, this turned out to be a complete opposite... The humour was clever, and most of it very intelligent. Of course, there were also low blows, and my favourite line (my first belly laugh) was when the agent was saying to Mandy Moore's character, "We have to keep the white-trash image, look what it did for Britney Spears". I liked the way that many things were made fun of in this movie: The President of the United States, the show American Idol, the war against terrorism, the "terrorists", etc. I laughed at many things in this film that not many people found was funny. Usually, it's because I am processing the information quickly, or because it's intelligent humour. But it is surprisingly, a good movie. The ending, however, was surprising. I was not expecting it at all. Oh, and I totally identify with the hopeless romantic boyfriend of Mandy Moore's character. Totally echoes my situation with Roman, who is starting a relationship with Olivier, but still hangs out a lot with me. At least I didn't catch them screwing each other in the dressing room.

And now, more stuff that doesn't make sense about my friendship with Roman. He asked me today that if no one was interested in taking a road trip to Kingston, Toronto and Niagara Falls, if we could take the trip together... Again, this is something that you'd do with your boyfriend, and since I am not his boyfriend... But I said that if it's just between two people, I couldn't afford it, probably. And this is true... We did some rough mathematics/estimation, and it was going to take about $200 per person (6 or 7 people together). So, $1200 - $1400 between two people, that's a lot of money! I don't have $600 - $700 for five days worth of travel. In fact, my budget is a lot less than that for 5 - 7 days... (And frankly, I really wouldn't be interested in going on a trip if Olivier came along, I would feel like i - a tour guide, and ii - a third wheel)

The only reason why I agreed to spend some time with Roman today was because I thought I would be with more people than just him. And then we ended up just spending the night together... Either he orchestrated this whole thing, which is quite possible, or fate is on my side (or possibly teasing me, I don't know yet), which is also quite possible.

Howl's Moving Castle

I recently purchased the DVD to Howl's Moving Castle, it is a Japanese anime film by Hayao Miyazaki.

I finally got a chance to watch this DVD tonight, April, 26, 2006. This story is about a young girl who works in a hat shop, and she has a curse put on her, where she becomes 90 years old, and she is not allowed to talk about her curse. The movie is her journey through the magic world, and how she gets rid of her spell (if at all), and how she meets other people who have also been cursed, and how she helps them break their spells. This is an anime film with heart. The animation is very nicely done (But of course, it's Miyazaki, so that's to be expected).

The matching of the original Japanese animation with the English dialogue is superbly done. The music was also very emotional. I have to give props to Christian Bale who gave Howl a really good English character.

Even if you are not a fan of anime, this is just a great fun film to watch.

Carrot, egg or coffee bean?

I received an interesting forward from my friend, it actually makes you think, and that's a good thing. I will attach the story that goes behind it.

The story:

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity ... boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

And now, I answer the question for me that I have posed to you. Am I a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? I believe I am in general a coffee bean, but I think I go through phases. I'm like a carrot in general, because I am a very strong individual. However, when I get hit by a hardship or an adversity, depending on the type of adversity, I react differently. In the end however, I end up being a better person, and I become stronger. So, I always end up being the coffee bean, but sometimes, I'm an egg first. The most difficult thing is love and relationships. It's hard to learn to give your heart again. Of course, it is difficult, but with time, you will love again, and you will give your heart again. If the person was not intelligent/mature enough to realize what you had to offer, then they will end up suffering in the long run. I believe my recent heartbreak has made me a better person. Sure, I cried and I listened to a lot of power music and music that dissed men, but I am a better person. And I am even the classy person who will continue to be friends.

Someday, someone deserving will get to taste this delicious coffee bean. :)

Free ice-cream and 3 Needles

Today, the Ben & Jerry's ice-cream store close to the Concordia campus was giving away free ice-cream, as part of a campaign to raise money for the Sick Kids Hospital. (I don't recall the exact cause that they were raising money for, but it was for children). I donated $2 while I was waiting for an ice-cream. It was actually pretty good as well, since it only took 13 minutes for me to get the ice-cream. I was expecting 20 - 25 minutes.

I headed towards the AMC Cinemas after I got my ice-cream to go see the movie 3 Needles. I enjoyed the movie, it was three movies about blood and AIDS, and it took place on three continents. It was a film shot in Montreal, well - bits of it, so I recognized some road signs. I didn't find it complicated, it was three distinct stories, but presented together, in snipbits, not like a book where you presented it in chapters. There were many taboo topics: sex with nuns, rape, condom usage in Africa - or lackthereof, faking blood tests, porn industry, blood trade, bug chasing.

This was the first film that I saw with Lucy Liu in it, where she speaks Mandarin. Obviously I know that she speaks at least Mandarin, since she has Chinese roots, but I have never physically seen her speak Mandarin in any North American film. In this film, she did not have one line of English! All her dialogue was in Mandarin, and she was awesome. It also helped that I understood some or most of what she was saying. Of course, there were also subtitles, but sometimes, what she said did not exactly match the subtitles. This illustrates that some expressions in Chinese do not translate well into English. And probably vice-versa.

Of course, there were people in the theatre who were murmuring, and some guy beside me had his phone on, but on vibrate, and it went off during the movie. This movie was not difficult to comprehend: It was three distinct stories, set in different continents. It was not hard to follow, really. It wasn't presented in a linear fashion (of course - that would make the film really boring), but it really is not difficult to follow. I do not understand why some people were asking about what happened, etc.

I highly recommend 3 Needles. It is a film with three stories that will make you think.

Why am I not surprised?

Well, well, well... The drama between Olivier and Roman continues, and for some odd reason, I get all the juicy gossip details. It's like I'm the the press or something, and I have advance passes to this relationship.

Olivier at first didn't talk to Roman because he was concerned about getting mono, and also wasn't talking to Roman, even though mono can get pretty bad. Olivier was basically ignoring him. And now that Roman has found Olivier online, and was chatting to him, Olivier stated that he doesn't want to talk about anything, and he only wants to think about his last exam. Though that is a legitimate thought, it is a bit selfish since he has not talked to Roman.

But when I read those statements on my IM, I literally put up my hands and was thinking, "What do you want me to say?" I only managed a "I'm sorry to hear that". And he asked if I understood what he was saying, and I managed some blah blah about how he was ignoring you when you had mono, and then now he wants to concentrate on his exam, which is a bit selfish.

What can I say? He had someone who was going to treat him with respect, treat him like a King, who though likes to spend time with him, is not needy, who makes time to talk, who makes time to see him, and he chose to only be friends with this person. And then lust after someone who is treating him with no respect, and doesn't make time for him. And not to mention, possibly gave him mono. Perhaps all I can say is I'm really not surprised... The IM/text message that says, "Oh, I saw you at the picnic, and we should connect again" was basically the oldest trick in the book to get into his pants. And though he fell for it hook line and sinker, he also got treated horribly. Is this a "Told ya' so?" or a "Why am I not surprised?"

The Sentinel

On Sunday, April 23, 2006, I went to see The Sentinel. This movie is about a secret service agent who is getting framed for attemping to kill the President. Of course, this movie is pretty American, and they only used Toronto because it was the only city that Americans know. In fact, there was a scene that they shot in a shopping mall, and I believe it was shot at Sherway Gardens, which is a shopping centre at the southwest end of the city, in Etobicoke. I thought it was an okay action flick (since action flicks are more about action and not about storyline), but Roman felt that it was two hours of his life he'll never get back. What do you expect, it's an action flick. They don't usually have a good story line...

Today was basically the following: Roman had expressed interest in a greasy spoon breakfast, so he asked me yesterday to give him a call when I got up. So, I did, we met for greasy spoon breakfast at 1:00 p.m.. We finished at about 2:30 p.m., he went to the McGill library to do some research for his paper, and I went and tutored someone linear algebra. Then, we met up at 4:15 p.m. again, and we walked to AMC to see the movie. After, Roman wanted to try this restaurant where he thought there were hamburgers, but there wasn't. So, we ended up walking in the rain to Mr. Steer, where there were hamburgers. Then, we went to Second Cup, and he had a iced coffee drink, and I had a chamomile tea.

Roman told me that Olivier is not talking to him right now, because he's concerned about getting mono. Of course, I kind of did not need to know about it. And I repeated that, "Didn't I say that you two need to communicate more?", and it's true, they do, but then it also takes two to communicate. And since Olivier isn't talking... Roman remarked that he felt Olivier was a bit selfish... I suppose this is the part where I should say, "Told you so." But I decided to not say anything.

I do not understand why Roman is spending more time with me than with his boyfriend. He should be having breakfast with his boyfriend, he should be seeing movies with his boyfriend. He should be having dinner, with his boyfriend. He should be having dessert with his boyfriend. And yes, I am a friend, and you don't spend all of your time with your boyfriend, but I really feel that he should be seeing Olivier more.

Perhaps Roman is starting to regret his decision. Or, perhaps I'm being wishful, and thinking or hoping that he's regretting his decision. And my friend Nima, with whom I chatted tonight, asked me a very valid question: "Would you take him back?"

I don't really know... Part of me is thinking, "I can't afford to take him back, because I'm afraid that he'll hurt me again, and in the words of Willa Ford: 'I won't look back... I don't want you, I don't need you, so let me tell you where it's at... I'm through with you... Did ya' understand that?'". However, another part of me is thinking, "if he's willing to make amends, and he's man enough to admit that he was wrong, and willing to start a relationship with me, then I should take the chance with him."

I also wonder if the guy whom I tutored is gay... While we were tutoring, there was someone who walked by, and my tutee totally checked him out. I was working on a problem, and I thought, okay, who is he (my tutee) checking out? And I saw a black man walk by. So, either my tutee is gay, or he thought that he knew the guy that walked past. The tutee also accidentally put his feet on mine, but he quickly pulled away. Anyway, the weird things that happen.

I also don't think Roman paid me back for the movie ticket. He didn't have any cash, so I bought him the ticket, and he said that he'd pay me back later. I suppose perhaps he meant later on in the week or something.

Pride & Prejudice

Although I have seen Pride & Prejudice, the 2005 production in the theatres, and I don't recall if I blogged about it, I bought it at Blockbuster yesterday, under their previously viewed selection. I was able to profit from the 2 for $24, since I found another film that I wanted - Howl's Moving Castle.

Seeing this movie made me realize that I am very similar to two of the characters in the book by Jane Austen. I realized I am very similar to Elizabeth (Lizzie), who is intellectual, likes to read, and speaks her mind openly. She is a good judge of character, although she can be wrong from time to time.

The other character whom I feel I am similar to is Mr. Darcy. He's not too proud, nor prejudiced. He is however, loyal, which is something that I realized I am. I am comfortable with who I am, and I am in a happy place, despite the fact that I seem to be single, but that's another story. And besides, as Mya says, "Because I'm free, single sexy and sweet, making my own money, looking for the right party"

This movie was a lot better the second time I saw it. And I believe it's my friend Nima's favourite movie. I hope he feels more chattier and happier soon.

Mono or no Mono...

So, Roman told me that he had a chat with Olivier, and that Olivier denied the fact that he has mono. In fact, he doesn't. Now, it is quite possible that mono was developed by himself, but seriously, if I were Olivier, would I tell the truth and say, "Oh yes, I have/had mono?". Probably not.

I also stumbled across this wonderful article about couples and PDA (public displays of affection). Though I think the author is a heterosexual female, I believe that these things could be applied to some other gay couples. Here is a link to the article.

OK, this is bizarre

Last night, April 18, 2006, I wanted to see 3 Needles at AMC, the late show at 10:25 p.m.. However, when I got there, I was told that there was this "power thing" and they weren't going to be selling tickets for the next couple minutes. As well, they weren't too sure if they were selling tickets for the rest of the night. In fact, I was told that for sure they were not selling tickets to the 10:25 p.m. showing of 3 Needles.

So, I was a little sad, I went home, tried to work more on my paper, talked with my friend from San Diego, and had an early night. I did pop by the Blockbuster, and found out that if you buy two previously viewed DVDs, then it's $24 (if they are both $16.99 or less), or they're $17 (if they are both $9.99 or less). So, I thought that I could perhaps get Rent (2 DVD collector's set) as well as Mrs. Henderson Presents, for $24. We'll worry about that when it gets there.

I suppose what I'm worried about is the vocabulary in teens these days... The person didn't say "power outage" or "power surge" or "power failure" or "power blip". She said, "power thing". As my friend nicely pointed out, the dictionary of the future will be three pages, and one and a half of it will be used to describe the word thing. * shudder *

I also woke up this morning, and was greeted by Roman on MSN calling me sunshine. (His salutation was, "Good morning, sunshine."). I thought the term sunshine, or some other term of endearment was reserved for the one whom you were dating or fucking. I would not call my friend sunshine, no matter how good friends I am with him/her. But perhaps that's just me.

He went on to tell me that when he was at the cafe, he felt a bit left out, since the four people ended up talking to each other. He told me that I cheered him up when I called him. He wanted me to be there, so that he could have someone to talk to.

Also, he just told me that it is possible that he has mono, which was given to him by Olivier. Oh dear, not a good way to start off a relationship, giving your partner mono.

So, why does he miss me so much, if he's wanting to be with Olivier?

Un dimanche à Kigali

Today, Monday, April 18, 2006, I went to see Un dimanche à Kigali with Roman and Leonardo. Roman and Leonardo have a small history... Roman made out with Leonardo once while they were both really drunk. Anyway...

This movie stars Luc Picard, who was also in l'Audition. It's another story about the Rwandan massacre in 1994. It's similar to the story - Hotel Rwanda, which was released in 2004 with Dan Cheadle. It was a dramatic and sad story. However, there was a funny part in the story where someone pushes a Canadian embassy bitch into the pool. I thought it was funny, but no one else in the theatre found it funny. I don't know if I'm bizarre or what. The acting was good, the dialogue was very realistic, and it was more bloody than Hotel Rwanda, but there were fewer dead bodies in this movie. I recognized the Hotel Mille Collines again. It was also an experience to see another approach to the story.

After the movie, we went to get Subway, and then ice-cream at Ben & Jerry's. I also went to see at Blockbuster to see if used copies of Brokeback Mountain have come out, and sure enough there were used copies available, for $16.99. I was thinking, these copies are three weeks old, and I have to pay $16.99 for them? It's $24.99 at Future Shop! It's $8! For an $8 difference, I could get a new DVD! So, why would I want one that's $16.99, that's three weeks old? I am thinking that the DVD will cost less with time (in about one or two weeks). But, a friend said that she would get it for me. So, I'll wait until then.

I think I'm going to do the same thing with Mrs. Henderson Presents. I'll wait a month or a month and a half before I buy it used from Blockbuster. There were also copies of Pride & Prejudice, the version with Keira Knightley for $14.99. I did like that movie, but it wasn't one that I thought I would see again and again. I know with Brokeback Mountain, I'll see it again and again. I know with Mrs. Henderson Presents, I'll see it again and again. Pride & Prejudice, not so much.

Scary Movie 4

I went to see Scary Movie 4 today, with Roman. It was him who invited me, not the other way around. It was a mindless slapstick movie, where they not only spoofed scary movies, but also dramas. I was not expecting the Brokeback Mountain spoof. As well, I laughed very hard, because the way they spoofed The Village was awesome.

There were also lots of trailers for horror films that will be coming out soon. Of course, I didn't really want to see any of them, since I am not a big horror fan. However, there was a trailer for Nacho Libre. And it seemed like it was going to be mindless slapstick humour again.

We went for dinner after. I thought about going for wings at Peel Pub, since it was cheap night for wings, with the purchase of a beverage. But we ended up going to a restaurant called Prêt à manger for some Chinese food. Roman wanted ice-cream after, but the place that he wanted to go to, Ben and Jerry's was closed when we got there. It was 11:05 p.m., and they closed at 11:00 p.m.. So, we went home without having ice-cream. Well, he went to the Guy-Concordia metro station, and I went home.

And now, back to my paper writing, and work!

Boy, am I glad that I was being boring last night...

I am talking to Roman online, and he told me that he was with Olivier at Kilo (a cafe in the village) yesterday. Luckily, if it was in the afternoon, I was at my baby shower, and if it was in the evening, I decided to stay in and work on my paper and watch two movies. If a friend invited me to Kilo, and I went, I probably would have lost my appetite. However, maybe the powers above may think that I am ready, and put me to the test. I don't know. But anyway, since I didn't end up going there, the powers up high must think I'm not ready.

Roman tells me that Olivier is busy, and that they don't get to see each other a lot... Well, that's too bad. However, I did tell him, "Well, absense makes the heart grow fonder." But he told me that he doesn't know about that.

Woah, OK... If this is the guy whom you want to start a relationship with, how can being away from him not make you want to see him more? It should makes you want to see him more, and treasure the time that you can spend with him. And also, on the other end... No matter how busy I am, I make time to see a person whom I'm interested in. Because if I'm interested in them, they deserve my time, even if it's only a half hour or an hour. I do agree that school is important, as well as work, but a significant other is also important. You do not expect to brush him/her aside and expect everything to be hunky-dorry. No matter how tired I am, I make time for my significant other, or someone I am interested in, even if he works nights, and can only call me at 1:30 a.m. to chat for an hour. I still make the time to chat, and then go to bed at 2:30 a.m..

If Roman thinks that he can tap back into having a relationship with me, when/if his relationship doesn't work out with Olivier, then he's sadly mistaken. You do not tell me that you only want to be friends, and think that you can rekindle something. If you are old enough to shatter someone's heart into a million pieces, you are mature enough to handle the possible mistakes of your own actions. And perhaps, if one or two people are not ready and willing to give all of themselves to the other person, working in school and work, maybe neither of them are ready for a relationship.

As Whitney Houston sings in her song: "See I'm moving on, and I refuse to turn back. See, all of this time, I thought I had down for a man... It turns out... You were making a fool of me yeah!" (It's not Right but It's Okay - Thunderpuss Remix)

Some random thoughts

Today, Saturday, April 15, 2006, I went to my friend's (Laura's) baby shower. It was my first baby shower, and I thought it was a very nice and happy occasion. I also got to know Nadine, someone in my program, better. Laura got lots of gifts for the baby, I am very happy for her.

I am proud of the fact that I did not invite Roman to this. This was an event where I had invited him to before he dropped the bomb on me. Since I am not one to uninvite people to things, I decided that I would not uninvite him. However, since he never mentioned anything, I just thought I wouldn't bring it up, and he could have had a day doing whatever, or hanging out with Olivier or whatever. (I don't think he hung out with Olivier though, since he was "working" today).

Another random thought. Apparently, the sandwiches at Subway, the ones they have on special every day of the week. I thought it meant calendar day. I.e. when it's 12:01 a.m., it is next day's special. I was informed that it was the next "Business day". They probably just wanted to charge me for the full price, instead of giving me the special price. Or perhaps different restaurants have different policies. I know that at McDonald's, once the calendar day passes, it's no longer the special of the last day that is in effect. I.e. when it is 12:01 a.m. on a Thursday, and you want to order the $3.99 special, (or whatever price it is now), it's no longer the McChicken special, but the two cheeseburger special. I think I will check up on this policy with the official Subway people to see what they tell me.

I also got a fortune from a cookie. It says, "There is a true and sincere friendship between you both." I do not know who this you in the fortune means, but if it is Roman, then this fortune is very much false, because we do not have this friendship in bed. The classic joke with the fortune cookies is that the fortune works when you add in bed after it. (And it's usually the in bed part that comes true!)

While I was having my dinner this evening, a Japanese or Korean version of the song The Day You Went Away came on. I don't know if it was Japanese or Korean, but I knew it was definitely Asian. Here are the original lyrics from the song by M2M.

I don't get it...

I don't really get this whole love/relationship game of love thing. And it all starts from having dinner with Roman at the restaurant with some friends before going to the concert.

During dinner, he gets a call on his cell phone. From listening to the one sided conversation, I was kind of thinking it was Olivier, his boyfriend. I didn't ask, since I really don't want to find out answers to questions I do not want to know. However, one of the things that I picked up on was the fact that the person on the phone, whom I was guessing is Olivier, was working tomorrow, and therefore, can't hang out with him. Why do people like to go for partners who are either too busy, or treat them like shit, and not for people who will treat them like royalty, who will make time for them? Roman invited this person to come to dinner and as well as going to the concert, but the person declined. If this person was indeed Olivier, I probably would have lost my appetite and went home. But then, I wouldn't have had the fun evening that I had.

I realize that not everyone is a hopeless romantic like me. However, if I have been sick and I have been working for a week, and I haven't seen a guy whom I am interested in for about a week, I would make time to see him, even if it is after I finish working, especially if it is him who is making the effort to try and see me. But then, I guess not everyone is as in touch with emotions as I am. Maybe I am needy, but I do not consider myself as such, since I do many, many things by myself. I eat dinner by myself, I go to movies by myself, etc. I do not need a boyfriend to validate my existence.

We went to the CCR Tribute Band concert, and then after the first set of songs, we decided that we would go to Club Date, a karaoke bar in the gay village to sing some karaoke. We really enjoyed ourselves. I also got to sing two songs. I sang Lorie - Près de moi as well as Jennifer Lopez - Ain't It Funny. The second was Roman's suggestion, since they both thought I sang really well, and I should go up for another round. However this version was not the version on the CD, so I am not familiar with it. At the end of the second song, the J.Lo song, I came back to my table, and there were two other people I met at speed dating, one of whom met me three times, and twice of the three times, he pinched my ass. After we got out of the bar, we went to Tim Horton's, got some donuts, and I found out that the guy who pinched my ass twice likes Tom Finland drawings. He claims it's for the muscle guys, but I'm not so sure. Anyway, I said I like the same drawings, because I like leather. Anyway, whatever.

We took the night bus to go home, and this time, the guy who pinched or touched my ass for the past two times, he didn't pinch my ass. He only asked the two Asian guys to hold up upright while they were walking towards the Guy-Concordia metro station, to take the night bus. Then the night bus came, and they needed to catch it, so I let them go.

La Rage de L'Ange

Tonight, April 13, 2006, I went to see the La Rage de l'Ange. It was a movie about a kid who was beaten as a child, and how he never learned to let go of his rage. In fact, his anger and rage consumes him, and he does not become the person who he can.

It was superbly well done film, and I'm glad I went to see it. I am also glad I went to see it today, because as of tomorrow, the closest theatre that I could see it is either in Lasalle, or Quartier Latin... It's amazing that AMC decided to only show this film for two weeks... I guess French films do not get a lot of screen play at this particular theatre. So, my plan of attack is that whenever there's a film, it has to be seen first. Or else it leaves in two weeks.

The next film I think I'm going to see is another French film, it's called Une dimanche à Kigali (A Sunday in Kigali). It's done by Luc Picard again, who did L'Audition (The Audition).

Take the Lead

On Tuesday, April 11, 2006, I went to see Take the Lead, with Antonio Banderas. This movie did not get very good reviews, but Roger Ebert gave it thumbs up. Since my movie tastes are usually pretty similar to his, I decided that I would go, and I found this movie to be very much to my liking.

This movie was inspired by a true story of Pierre Dulaine, who taught a group of students in detention to believe in themselves and make good choices. It is probably the case that the story was embellished a bit for the film, and probably cut short in some places, since the film is only about two hours long. However, Antonio Banderas was awesome in the film, and boy, can he dance!

Some things that bugged me about the film is the rigidity of the bourgeois society. There was one point in the movie, where there were two couples dancing the tango. One of them was the super bitchy lead, who thinks she's the cat's pyjamas in the world of dance (as she said, "I'm a pro."), and the other couple was from the "detention" school. The other couple decided to do a tango of three. And the judges disqualified them, since a tango is between two people, and not between three. Who give these judges rights to disqualify something due to an archaic definition? Why do these judges not have open minds and judge on creativity and artistic merit?

And now, for other things that happened today. Roman and I went for dinner at Resto du village today. And he convinced me to go to the AGM of the Queer Union tomorrow. One of the biggest reasons I don't want to go is because Olivier is going to be there, since he is one of the executive. However, I was told by Roman that Olivier wouldn't be there, so I agreed to go reluctantly.

I'm starting to think that if Roman and Olivier were having greasy spoon breakfast at Resto du village, and if I were to walk in. I would probably lose my appetit. which is rare, since I like food, especially a greasy spoon breakfast. Oh well. I suppose this is step three to getting over my broken heart. It's like 99% better, so now seeing them together and not get upset would be the last 1%.

Lorie - Game Over

I really like Lorie's newest album, called Rester la même. I really like the song Game Over right now, makes me feel empowered, and helps me get over Roman, even though I think I'm over him, since I really now don't give a shit how his relationship goes with the other guy, who was sick this weekend. (Poor baby)

And the lyrics: (I will translate them using // on the side)

J'ai engagé la procédure // I've engaged (done) the procedure
Reformaté le disque dur // Reformatted the hard drive
Et supprimé de ma mémoire // And suppressed from my memory
Le moindre fichier de notre histoire // The beginning part of our history

Tu m'as planté(e), un peu moins soft // You dumped me, not so nicely
T'as préféré, une Lara Croft // You prefered a Lara Croft
Je t'éxecute, je te condamne // I executed you, I condamn you
T'es plus dans mon programme // You're no longer in my program

Refrain: (Chorus)

Game over, je veux plus jouer, j'abandonne // Game over, I don't want to play, I abandon you
Si tu crois que je vais pardonner // If you believe that I will forgive you
C'est trop tard, fallait pas m'prendre pour une pomme // It's too late, shouldn't have seen me as an apple
Game over, nous deux c'est terminé // Game over, for us two it's over

Tu m'as trahi(e), aïe, erreur fatale // You betrayed me, fatal error
Hors de ma vie, j'te déinstalle // Out of my life, I uninstalled you
Redémarrer, c'est plus possible // To start it up, it's no longer possible
J'crois qu'entre nous c'est plus compatible // I believe that us two are no longer compatible

Ni mise en garde, ni mise à jour // No being careful, or being of the day
Pas de sauvegarde à nos amours // No saving of our love
C'est pas la peine que t'y reviennes // It's not worth it for you to go back (there)
T'es plus dans mon système // You're no longer in my system

Refrain (Chorus)

Sur mon écran ton nom qui s'éfface // On my screen your name that's being erased
Ma mémoire avait besoin d'espace // My memory needs more space
Sur mon clavier je tape en capitale // On my keyboard I type in capitals
Un point final, que ça fait mal, que ça fait mal... // A last point, that it's bad, that it's bad...

Refrain (Chorus)

And now perhaps a version that sings better in English.

I have finished the procedure
Reformatted all my hard drives
And suppressed it all from my mind
Our love story that was not so kind

You dropped the bomb, not so nicely
You quite preferred, Ms. Lara Croft
You are now gone, you are condamned
No longer in my program

Chorus

Game over, I'm not playing anymore
If you believe I will forgive you
It's too late, I was a gem not an apple
Game over, for us two it's way too late

You betrayed me, a fatal error
Out of my life, no longer there
To start it up, not possible
We're no longer compatible

I was careful, I seized the day
I'm not saving, all of our love
Let's not rekindle our romance
No longer in my system

Chorus

On my screen, I erase your name
'Cuz my memory needs more space
On my keyboard I type in caps
A final point, it hurts too much, it hurts too much...

Chorus

Well, well, well...

So, Roman just told me that he's starting a relationship with someone from speed dating. Good for him... I guess at this particular moment, he must be feeling kind of good about himself... Although, I know from experience that the best relationships are the ones when you start from friendship, and not start from scratch as a relationship. Roman told me that he "really likes this other individual." I don't wish them unwell, but I do hope that he has a meaningful experience.

And this person isn't his number 1 either. It's someone he met again I would say about a week ago. At least this guy is better looking than number 1, in my opinion.

And I will now be listening to my power music. Anastacia, Gloria Gaynor, Christina Aguilera, Whitney Houston, Lorie, etc.

Ain't It Funny (remix)

It's amazing how the remix of the song also echoes how I feel about the Roman situation, but this time, it's slightly different. In this version, only some of the parts apply. (The part about J. Lo's ass doesn't quite apply to me). Comments will also follow with // and italics.

Ain't it funny
It's been awhile since you came around // In six months, a year, five years, I don't know the amount of time
Now ya wanna see what's goin' down
Tryin' to tell me how ya want my time // He'll probably realize it was a mistake to turn me away
Tryin' to tell me how I'm on your mind (on your mind) // And realize what a "grenouille" I was
See it never had to be this way
You should of never played the games you played // He may be new to the community, but it's in a way, it was a game that he played
Now I'm seein' that you're kinda lame // People only get one chance with my heart. Friends get three chances with me (no heart involved)
Knowin how the situation changed // As my friend said, once he's no longer the new meat, he'll be discarded like yesterday's tuna casserole

Ain't it funny
Baby that you want me, when you had me // It's ironic that we never treasure what we have and what could have happened until we realize that it's gone
Love is crazy, now I can smile and say
Ain't it funny // This is the part where I would just smile and say, "There, there"
Baby that you want me, when you had me
Love is crazy, I'm glad I can smile and say
Ain't it funny

I remember how you walked away // Though he didn't walk away, he did walk away from the idea of a relationship with me
Even when I tried to call your name // And I did grieve for two days
See at first I didn't understand // And I didn't understand. But I realized you can't force feelings
Now you're lookin' like a lonely man (lonely man)
I remember how you did me wrong // No grudges, but I will remember how he turned me down
And now you're hurtin' cuz my love is gone // He may do that. And if not, even better. He was lucky in love
Everybody gets a chance to burn // And for me, burned several times
You can take it as a lesson learned // And every time I learn, I get stronger, and I become wiser

Omagh and GSA End of Year Celebration

Yesterday, April 6, 2006, I went to see the movie Omagh, since it was no longer playing at the only theatre in the city starting Friday. That was a really emotional and powerful movie. I didn't cry, but I did tear up a few parts in the movie, because the actor portrays despairs really well, especially in the part where he was searching for his son right after the explosion. It was a very good portrayal (I believe it is based upon real events, if not actually real, the screenplay), and I found it said that the AMC is only playing it for two weeks. It is definitely a movie that was worth seeing, and although I didn't seen Munich, I believe that this film was similar, if not better.

I also went to the GSA (Graduate Student's Association) end of year celebration. They had food, they had free booze, it was fun. I got home, and I wanted to perhaps go dancing, since Roman invited me, and also because I had alcohol in me, and I could go dancing impaired, but he didn't get back to me. (He probably checked his messages like at 3:00 a.m. or something), and by then, I had given my offering to the Porcelain God and was sleeping off my alcohol. I sang a lot of karaoke, and many people told me I was good. I wanted others to sing, but not many people were interested in singing, since they were all just talking, or eating or drinking. Oh well.

I also recall talking to Ezra last night, at the GSA End of year party, who came from an opera. I remarked that he wore a red tie, and he stated, "No, I'm wearing a pink tie." Later on in the evening, I do not know how we started talking about sex, and it got to the point where he was saying, "You would fuck me.", and I was thinking, "No, I wouldn't." He then interjected, "But I'm the only guy here who has got a pink tie.", and I said, "I wouldn't fuck you even if you were the last man on Earth." Now, Ezra is not bad looking, it's just that he was probably a straight guy who was getting his kicks.

So, it's been a week...

Last week this time, I had the bomb dropped on me, about only being friends... It has been a week, and I am a lot better. I would like to thank all my friends who were there for me, and those who were there with me in spirit. You all seem to tell me that Roman will realize that he made a mistake, and the comments about his number one were also not too pleasant. I won't repeat them here.

It's kind of ironic that the topic this week at Jeunesse lambda is Love 101... According to the website, it's supposed to be Mirror, Mirror, which is a topic about self-esteem. I guess I can talk about Love 101 from the rejection perspective, and how to get over a mismatch...

Basic Instinct 2

Tonight, Tuesday, April 4, 2006, I went to see the movie Basic Instinct 2. I actually wanted to see Omagh, but due to the fact that I went to this art show, I didn't get to the theatre until about 10:10 p.m., and Omagh was showing at 10:05 p.m.. So, I decided that I would give Basic Instinct 2 a try... I knew that it wouldn't be very good, since everyone is predicting that the movie would flop.

The film was not a waste of my time, but I walked out of it not knowing who did it. It was like as if the film had no ending. So, don't go see it, as it is not worth it. But if you want some mindless entertainment, then you should go. I also didn't enjoy the topless scene she (Sharon Stone) did in the hot tub.

I went to buy Brokeback Mountain on DVD for my friend today. It's his Christmas present, so he asked me if he had to wait until December.

Mrs. Henderson Presents

Today, Sunday, April 2, 2006, I went to see Mrs. Henderson Presents. I was pleasantly surprised, the previews weren't too tempting, but I am glad I went to see it.

I discovered during the open credits that not only Judi Dench was in it, but also my favourite Idol, Will Young, was in it. Though Will Young wasn't playing a lead character, he played the lead singer in the production, which was quite good, since I got to hear him sing! This is the next DVD I will purchase after Brokeback Mountain.

This was a beautifully done film, with very nice musical numbers. There's also a nude scene where everyone gets naked - including Will Young! He is portrayed as a bit of a sexually androgynous character in this film, but I have heard that he's supposedly gay in real life.

The main nude girl also rang a bell with me. She's the hopeless romantic type, and she loves romance. Unfortunately, during the film, she falls in love with a soldier, who gets her pregnant, and then tells her that he has a girlfriend, and will go back to her after the war. When I saw that, I felt so sorry for her, because I recently lived an experience where the emotions I poured into someone were not mutually respected. Later on in the film, she dies from an explosion. Well, I guess she doens't have to suffer emotionally. I personally believe that physical pain is better to endure than emotional pain. With physical pain, it is only skin deep, and it lasts much shorter. With emotional pain, it is a lot deeper than just your skin, it takes longer to heal (if it does ever heal completely), and other emotional wounds in the future could open up an old emotional wound. Also reminded me that most men are pigs.

Some of the speeches that Judi Dench made in the film were very powerful. A few points in the film made me tear up, I thought that for sure I would cry with the lead nude girl being dumped, but I guess she died too soon after that incident for me to cry, even though I recently lived something very similar.

There was also lots of British humour. This was a very well done film, and I laughed a lot, which was needed.

Picnic at Parc Mont Royal

Today, April 2, 2006, I went to a picnic organized by the Queer Union in Parc Mont Royal. Roman was there, and I went. Roman's social plans do not dictate the lack thereof for me.

And things were good. I didn't feel like crying, he was just a friend, and he walked me home after. We hugged, but I didn't feel like crying. He told me he didn't understand why I was hurting, and after thinking a while, so that I don't choose nasty words, I told him that "I don't wish this upon you, but one day, you may experience what I felt." I went on to say that, "I've been in the community longer than you have, and the longer you are in the community, the more you realize that there are not too many quality men." I didn't tell him the part where I am a quality man looking for another quality man.

This also made me think, I realize that he's new to the queer community, and he doesn't know about gay dating (or lack thereof). I also realized that if you're not willing to open your heart to get hurt, then you can truly never love. It's because I take risks, and I am willing to show individuals my heart that I get hurt, and one day, I will find Prince Charming.

Toads (too many to count), Princes 0. But one day, it'll be Princes 1.

Wow, a commercial that reflects how I feel

A friend of mine was sending me Google video links of funny commercials, and I really liked this one in particular.

I feel exactly how the golden retriever feels right now, but at least I do not want to throw myself in front of a speeding car. Hurray for hopeless romantic types!

I do sometimes think that a physical pain is more durable than an emotional pain.

Frogs and toads

Today, March 31, 2006, I learned a nice French expression, which I believe there is an equivalent English one...

Il faut embrasser beaucoup de crapauds avant de trouver ton prince charmant. (You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find the right frog/Prince charming) .

Toads (I have lost count), Frogs 0.

Roman had originally expressed interest in going to Jeunesse lambda, but then when I met him at the metro, he told me that he was invited to go to a friend's house, and then to go out to Sky after. He invited me to go, and I really didn't feel like it, but I told him that I would consider it. And I did, but I realized I wasn't really in the mood for dancing, especially at the bar where last Saturday, we had our hands on each other.

I was going to call him after I finished my meal, but it so happened that the restaurant where I was eating, he was standing there with some other people. So, I went out, greeted them, and told Roman that I was tired and I didn't feel like dancing. He asked me if I was going to go to the 80's night tomorrow night, and I told him no, since I do not really like the 80's theme. I might have been able to do the dancing tonight, if a guy from speed dating wasn't there. The guy who was there, he didn't check me as a friend, so there's no point in spending an evening with someone who clearly does not want to get to know me better.

Today, I listened to a grand total of four songs: (On repeat):

1) Backstreet Boys - Get Another Boyfriend;
2) Christina Aguilera - Fighter;
3) Willa Ford - Did Ya' Understand That;
4) All 4 One - I Swear. (Which is the song that was played while Roman and I danced our slow on Saturday night.)

With song #4, the lyrics reminds me of when I meet Mr. Right, I would never break his heart.